Archive of ‘Being Present’ category

From Perfect to Good Enough Parenting

Male parent with kids surrounded by children's toys

Are you still trying to be that “perfect” parent?

On the reflection of my own journey of parenting, I have come to realize that there is nothing like parenthood, from the moment I realized that I was about to become a parent, to seeing my child grow up every day. I began my parenting journey like most of us do – knowing nothing, making numerous mistakes and then trying to learn everything to become the “perfect” parent.

A new path of parenting

If you are someone like me, I would like you to join me in re-discovering a new path of parenting. There is no “perfect” parent, there is “good enough” parent.  Let’s face it, parenting is not an easy task, we are facing new challenges every day. Sometimes it feels like we never get a break from all the demands and unexpected obstacles as parents. Many of us strive to be the perfect parent, but the reality is that we are chasing something that is not attainable. No one is perfect, and we all make mistakes. When we expect ourselves to be perfect, we expect our children to be perfect as well, which is putting unrealistic expectations on them. What is more realistic is to be a parent who is good enough.

Good enough parents

Good enough parents love their kids, take care of their kids and try their best. Good enough parents have the courage to accept their own flaws and see mistakes as a good opportunity to learn. Good enough parents will not set unrealistic expectations for their children or themselves. Good enough parents accept their children for who they are. Both you and your children are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just the way you are, and you can be imperfect! What your children will learn from you is that that they do not need to be perfect to be loved. 

Both you and your children are fundamentally worthy of love and acceptance, just the way you are, and you can be imperfect!

You are doing better than you think you are

I encourage you to give yourself a pat on your back and let yourself know that you are doing a good job. At least as good as it can be! Parenting is not only a full-time job; it is a life-time job.  Your child is learning from you every day as much as you are learning from them.  You are doing better than you think you are. I have made countless mistakes along the way, and of course I still think about all the “should have’s” and “could have’s”. At the end of the day, I came to realize that there is no other “job” that is as rewarding as this one. Being a parent has changed me into someone I never thought I could be. Every day, I am learning something new from my child.

Appreciate yourself and what you are doing

I hope you would appreciate who you are, what you do, and how much you are doing for your kids. You do not need to be the “perfect” parent as you are already perfect for your kids just the way you are.

Lastly, I want to offer you these Positive Affirmations for you to remind yourself how great you are:

  • I am a great parent
  • I love my children no matter what 
  • I am doing the best I can
  • I am learning and growing with my children
  • I am not afraid to make mistakes 
  • I am the best parent for my children 
  • I and my children are worthy
  • I accept my children and myself the way we are
  • My love and connection help my children above all else 
  • I believe in myself and my children 

Please spread the love and offer these positive affirmations to other parents so that we can support each other on this amazing journey.

As a Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator, I love working with parents and families and embarking on the positive discipline journey together. If you are a parent who is interested in taking this journey with me, please feel free to reach out to me. In addition, you can also check out Positive Discipline workshops that Austin Family Counseling offers for parents: https://austinfamilycounseling.com/workshops-groups/.

Written by: Catherine Mok, M.A., LMSW Supervised by Melissa Haney, LCSW-S 

Meet Catherine!


Creating Your Yellow Brick Road

What does it mean to feel at home?

There is a debate as to whether home is a physical place or a feeling. Dorothy captures this desire to fill the void of feeling distant, whether it be mentally or physically, when she recites, “There’s no place like home” (Fleming, 1939, 1:39:01). Home is the feeling of warmth, understanding, and inner peace. How do we capture the essence of home
when we are far from it? Whether it be a vacation, work trip or a new residence, feeling at home is essential.

What is a part of your home?

Think to yourself, aside from the physical structure, what else is a part of your home? Loved ones, beloved pets, specific scents, articles of clothing, and certain foods cultivate feelings of familiarity. When moving to a different city, visiting a foreign country or when physically distant from the ones I love, I turn to my phone. It houses resources, enabling me to bring my support system wherever I go. From calling my parents to ordering my favorite foods to my door, my phone is a portal. I can look at photos of my miniature schnauzer when I miss her cuddles, video chat with my best friends, and make to-do lists to feel a sense of structure over my time.

Finding peace.

Home can be anywhere, but it requires skills and resources to capture that feeling. Counseling provides clients with the coping skills to be patient and find inner peace. Our lives and the world around us are ever-changing. With teletherapy, you too can be a couple of clicks away from feeling at home.

Fleming, V. (Director). (1939). The Wizard of Oz [Film]. Metro Goldwyn Mayer.

written by Marianna Vanillo, M.S., LPC-Associate,
Supervised by Molly McCann, M.S., LPC-S


The Power of Pausing

In a world that constantly tries to make you feel like you’re not enough, resting can be a very brave thing.

A few weeks ago, I visited Montana to spend time with my family and friends. As I sat in the cabin on vacation, I was uncomfortably aware of the texts and emails popping up on my phone and going unanswered (first lesson: turn off your email notifications when you’re on vacation).

As our worlds become more and more virtual, the ability to take work with us wherever we go becomes more and more possible. We go on vacation, but why not bring the laptop and work while we’re there? We can be productive anywhere these days, even in a secluded cabin.

There seems to be an unspoken expectation to remain accessible. Always. I mean, who doesn’t have a smartphone these days?

The email notifications pop up. The text messages roll in.

Usually, they’re not all that urgent. And, usually, we attend to them as if they are.

As I pushed away the inner urge to pick up my phone and laptop during the trip (and failed a few times and succeeded a few times), I had several realizations:

Resting can feel awkward and foreign.

Not being readily available to others can feel uncomfortable.

Being present with people in real-time is good for our souls.

Most things can wait.

Yet, we live in a society that hasn’t normalized or encouraged rest and pausing.

And so, even when we find ourselves in remote locations surrounded by peaceful nature, it can feel strange to unplug – like we’re breaking some unwritten rule and wasting our week away in the land of unproductivity. 

Here is a case for pausing and why it’s more important than rushing to respond to that text: 

1. Your nervous system gets a break.

In 6 Ways to Give your Nervous System a Break, Crystal Hoshaw writes, “The nervous system truly craves space and silence. Every activity is a little stimulating. Truly giving our nerves a break means we’re feeding them the minimum amount of stimulation possible and maximizing rest and rejuvenation.”

2. You get to connect with yourself.

When we pause, we create space for reflection and tuning into how we feel. This leads to less knee-jerk reactions and more thoughtful responses.

3. You get to connect with so many other things:

nature, your meal, your breath, your family.

You take some of your power back.

Taking time to pause helps rewrite the story that says you have to be available to everyone all the time. That’s not true, not healthy and extremely draining.

You give yourself an opportunity to find meaning in more than achieving. 

I won’t pretend unplugging is easy. Here are a few small ideas that still have the power to add up to big shifts: 

A walk around your neighborhood or in nature without your phone

Putting your phone on airplane mode as you begin or end your day

Taking five minutes to close your eyes and breathe. Even one minute!

Making a conscious decision to respond to non urgent emails and texts at one designated time each day vs scattered throughout the day.

All of these acts allow us to become more intentional with our energy, more grounded in our bodies, and, frankly, more relieved.

You are more than what you do.

I felt that as I listened to the rushing river and the chirping birds. As I stared at the magnificent mountains. As I sipped a cup of tea and tuned into the conversations that were happening right in front of me.

Written by: Jamie Alger, LPC-Associate                                                                                                     Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S


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