5 Mindfulness Tips & Tricks

It’s no secret that things are wonky right now…to say the very least…

  • When people go in public, they’re sporting a new accessory…the face mask
    • AND if someone isn’t wearing one, you definitely notice it
  • Overnight, parents became home-school teachers, activity providers, house keepers, workers/providers, partners, and caretakers…need I say more? 
  • 2020 graduates aren’t having an in-person graduation to celebrate a milestone of their lives
  • Iconic Austin restaurants are starting announcing permanent closures
  • Because of shelter-in-place & social distancing…regular facetime with friends, family, and loved ones is either REALLY limited or not happening at all

I could go on, however, that doesn’t seem necessary.  What is necessary, though, is how you feel in your body RIGHT NOW after reading that list.  That sensation (whatever it may be) is happening because everything listed above is a lot to manage…especially because nobody was expecting a pandemic, and even if we were, we are all first-timers at this and adjusting to new things is often scary.  There are a lot of big feelings that have been happening (for everyone) and those big feelings can be confusing…scary…unwelcomed…helpful…they can be all over the place, really, and learning how to navigate all of that is MUCH easier said than done, however, it is 100% doable with various mindfulness practices. 

In my dear friend, Katy Manganella’s, blog on establishing a mindfulness practice, she defined mindfulness as “simply the practice of coming into the present moment”.  Again…that can be a lot easier said than done, however, there are practical mindfulness tips & tricks below to help you navigate the world of feeling your feelings and looking for ways to ground yourself (especially during a particularly uncertain time). 

Breathe

…yes!  Start here!  While this may feel like a silly (and oversimplified) suggestion, it’s arguably one of the easiest ways to start practicing mindfulness.  Most of the time, we are breathing pretty shallowly…in fact, the last time a lot of us took an intentional deep breath was when a doctor had a stethoscope touching our chest or back and directed you to take deep breaths.  Below are a few easy, simple ways to practice intentional, mindful, deep breathing. 

  • Box Breathing
    • This is an easy technique that involves intentionally breathing in for a particular count (for example, 3)…so you breathe in (1, 2, 3) hold your breath (1, 2, 3) exhale (1, 2, 3), hold (1, 2, 3) and repeat.  This article has a great video for a guided visual for help with box breathing. 
  • Another way to intentional breathe is to inhale for a particular count (let’s say 5) and exhale for a longer amount of time (let’s say 7).  This is a GREAT way to help calm your nervous system. 

Some people may try these out and realize they are still breathing shallowly…a way to learn how to breathe deeply & intentionally is to lie down on your back, put a book on your belly (probably something not too heavy) and breathe in and out with the intention of making the book move.  This will require some work…and may not be the best technique for someone who has experienced trauma. 

Tune into Your Senses

Another mindfulness tip is to tune into your senses.  We are CONSTANTLY taking in sensory information and are typically in autopilot.  Give yourself an opportunity to focus on one of your senses (sight, sound, touch, smell, or taste) and focus ONLY on that one sense for 2 minutes (set a timer if you need to so you’re not focused on the time the entire time). 

For example, if I was focusing on touch in this very moment–I would notice:

  • My computer (not a very mindful thing…but figured I’d be honest)
    • The keys feel different than the touch pad
    • The texture of the couch I’m sitting on
    • The soft, fuzzy blanket next to me
    • My dog’s fur

…I was actively noticing those (although admittedly, I was distracted because I’m writing this), however, it was a nice moment to truly slow down.  Give yourself permission to slow down and notice things around you. 

Things to keep in mind: Taste may NOT be the best sense to focus on…and if you choose smell–know that it’s okay if you don’t smell anything.  Don’t force it.  Rather, notice what it’s like to not smell anything in that moment.  It sounds woo-woo (and maybe it is), but I promise there’s a method to my madness. 

Pay Attention to Your Body

…which is another tip that’s easier said than done.  For as long as I can remember, I have heard phrases like “I had a gut feeling…” or “…that made the hairs on the back of my neck stand up!”  It wasn’t until I was in my early 20s that I understood that that was our bodies communicating messages to us (I promise…method to my madness) and it wasn’t until my late 20s (and MAYBE even my 30s) that I truly understand what that meant. 

Even though I’m actively living what you are right now…a global pandemic…and I’m 100% aware of things that are happening around us, when I wrote the list out of changes that are happening all around us, I had a physical reaction to it…I felt a pit in my stomach and a heaviness in my chest…and as I sat with that for a while…I was able to name what was going on: feeling sad (about things happening around us), curious/anxious (about the future), and even a little stuck (because of the uncertainty of the future).  That can feel like an overwhelming amount of information to realize from simply noticing a sensation in your body…and some days, it is. 

However, the more you notice physical sensations that are happening, the more you can name what feeling(s) you’re experiencing, and the more you can access (and hopefully name!) what you’re needing…otherwise you might just feel foggy, agitated, anxious…or all of the above and feel like you just can’t shake what’s happening inside of you. 

Side note: The Emotionary is a book of words that don’t exist for feelings that do.  It’s NOT child-friendly and is a fun, great way to access some of the mixed/morphed/big feelings you have. 

Guided Meditation

What comes to mind when you hear the word “meditation”?  I called my best friend (a business attorney…so someone who is NOT in the mental health world) and she made a joke about lighting incense, holding hands, and chanting…while that can paint the picture of what meditation looks like for some people, that’s not what it’s always like (I promise!).  You can google “guided meditation” and be gifted with SO many options–which is great!  You can find meditations for specific purposes (e.g.: waking up or relaxing) or a particular amount of time (e.g.: 2 minutes or 20 minutes).  Mindfulness

Check out some of my favorites:

Practice Self-Compassion  

By definition, self-compassion involves “extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering” (for more information on it, check out Kristin Neff’s work!)  I know I’ve repeated myself a few times now…but this is DEFINITELY easier said than done.  An easy way to start practicing self-compassion is simply by using the word “and”. 

  • “I feel like a failure as a parent right now….AND I’m doing the best that I can”
  • “I feel really anxious because of the uncertainty around us…AND thank goodness I have a therapist I can talk to about these feelings”
  • I’m so upset that I don’t get to have a normal graduation…AND I am grateful for ways I can celebrate in the future”
  • “I love my family, but am SO tired of being around them/I feel like I need a break…AND that’s okay!” 

See what I did that?  That’s self-compassion in a nutshell.  It’s SO easy to get caught up in negative self-talk (especially when we’re surrounded by stress, anxiety, and scarcity thinking)…rather than getting bound to black-and-white & all-or-nothing thinking, embrace the beauty of “and” andallow multiple experiences to happen at once.  After all, that IS the human condition…right? 

You might read some of the tips & tricks and think “YES!  This sounds perfect” and others you might be more like “Nope…no thanks”.  Both of those reactions are completely fine and to-be-expected.  Whatever tip or trick you gravitate towards, try incorporating that into your life on a regular basis…the more practice you have doing it on the daily, the more likely you will be able to pull that out of your toolbox when you’re feeling a lot of big feelings and are needing something to ground you. 

By: Julie Burke, LPC

Follow her on Instagram for more mindfulness tips & tricks and reminders/guidance for feeling your feelings!

10 Conversation Starters to Re-Spark Your Relationship

When your relationship started, you spent more time together. You had conversations that felt exciting. You were learning about each other. You dreamed together about the life you would build. Then, life got busier and more complicated. Stressors changed. Maybe you had children or maybe your jobs became more demanding… Maybe both! And, not by intentional choice, you now find that your relationship feels like it is on the back-burner. If you are missing your partner (even while they are right next to you) or if you are looking for a new way to change up conversation, this is for you! Check out the conversation starters below to find ways to intentionally reconnect and recharge.

Conversation Starters

Ten conversation starters that build connection and emotional intimacy in your relationship:

  1. Tell me about a time this week when you felt supported by me.
  2. I feel most loved by you when…
  3. What is your favorite memory of us?
  4. Tell me two things I can do to better support you.
  5. What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself five years ago?
  6. What are three qualities you admire about me?
  7. What do you remember about the day we met or our first date?
  8. What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
  9. What are your current goals and how can I support you to achieve them?
  10. What is one thing you hope never changes about our relationship?

How to do it

Ask your partner if they would be willing to try something new with you. Own that these questions might feel awkward, especially if it’s been a while since you connected in this way. You’ll get into your groove and feeling vulnerable together will make you feel closer while building trust. 

Set aside time for each other. You will want time and privacy for this activity. Put your screens away. Find a quiet space. Start with 20 minutes so it doesn’t feel like too much of a commitment to get going. You can always keep talking if it’s flowing!

Take turns. After you have answered a question, ask your partner the same question to hear their response. 

Make it your own. Go in any order. Skip any questions that you want. Ask follow-up questions to go deeper. Be curious. The only goal is to connect meaningfully with your partner.

Thank your partner. At the end, show appreciation for your partner going there with you. Tell them how it made you feel to connect and share.

Want more questions and conversation starters like these? Here are my two favorite resources:

BestSelf Intimacy Deck

Gottman Card Decks (free!)

By: Katy Manganella, LPC
See what she’s up to on Instagram!

Five Activities to do at Home with Children: Quarantine Edition

As I sit here writing this, I can’t help but to reflect on how much has changed in the past month.  The roles we play, our social connection and sense of community, our work, and so much more. 

Navigating through this time with kids can be hard; they have had massive shifts in their lives. Parents have had to expand their role to fill that of teacher, coach, guidance counselor, and many others.  Here are five activities that can be used at home (or in nature close to home) to help your children process big feelings in relation to this chaotic time and promote self-regulation skills. 

Emotions Charades 

This is a fun game to play with kiddos to promote mindfulness of the body.  Mindfulness is pulling ourselves into the present moment. When explaining to children use simple, succinct definitions such as “mindfulness is noticing what is happening right now.”  Mindfulness practices can help improve focus and concentration, as well as increase self-regulation skills.  

In emotions charades, either purchase cards with faces depicting different emotions (these are great: https://www.playtherapywithcarmen.com/collections/focus-on-feelings/products/flash-cards-with-words-focus-on-feelings© ) or create your own cards with your children using art supplies.  Create faces that show anger, frustration, sadness, happiness and any emotion you can identify together!  Shuffle the cards and place them face down. One player then selects a card. The player will not only use their face, but their entire body, to act out the emotion silently to other player, who is trying to guess what it is.  

This game helps create awareness of how the body reacts to different emotions.  You can even ask questions to further process the emotion. For example, if your child is acting out fear, you can ask them questions like “what helps you to feel safe? What does safety feel/look like to you?” 

Yoga/Animal Yoga

Yoga practices have been shown to help children with mind-body awareness, self-regulation, improved self-esteem and social-emotional learning (just to name a few!).  Cosmic Kids Yoga has an entire YouTube channel with tons of great videos geared towards children of all ages and interests (including Frozen, Pokemon and Harry Potter!).  You can access it here: https://www.youtube.com/user/CosmicKidsYoga

If videos aren’t your thing, here is a link to free animal yoga pose cards: https://wyqualitycounts.org/animal-yoga-for-kids/

Aromatherapy Playdoh

According to recent research, repetitive, rhythmic movement (think rocking, swinging or kneading playdoh) and sensory experiences calm the part of our brain that signals danger.  Creating aromatherapy playdoh together is a great way to integrate both movement and sensory input to promote feelings of relaxation.  

Recipe: https://www.healthline.com/health/diy-aromatherapy-playdough-for-stress – 7

You can also make multiple batches with different smells! 

  • Lavender can help to promote relaxation and sleep
  • Citrus scents energize
  • Pine can reduce stress
  • Peppermint can improve focus/concentration (be cautious with peppermint-since it is a stronger scent, I would reduce the amount needed by half)

Nature Mindfulness Activity

As mentioned before, mindfulness is anchoring ourselves to the present moment.   The Child Mind Institute shares that spending time in nature benefits children by building confidence, promoting creativity, and reducing stress.  This activity combines both nature and mindfulness to create a sensory experience that can promote regulation and tranquility. 

This nature mindfulness activity does not require any materials, just you, your child and thirty uninterrupted minutes outside in nature!  Walk through a park, yard, greenbelt or any other natural landscape and identify: 

  • Five things you can see
  • Four things you can hear
  • Three things you can feel
  • Two things you can smell
  • One thing you can taste (for safety considerations, I recommend only pointing out something you can eat or bring rosemary/mint or any other safe herb from home with you to reduce risk of eating something harmful!) 

If your child needs a visual, you can print out a scavenger hunt sheet with things for them to find in nature.  Here are some great resources: 

Safe Place Guided Imagery and Art Project

This is a confusing time for everyone, including children.  Having strong feelings of fear, sadness and anger are understandable and to be expected! This activity helps children to imagine a safe place they can visualize when they begin to feel scared.  

Start by reading or playing a safe place guided imagery script, like one of these: 

Following the guided imagery set out art supplies (whatever you have at home-markers, crayons, colored pencils, paint, paper).  Invite your child to create their safe place on paper. They can draw a literal picture of it or create an abstract piece utilizing color/shapes to express how safety feels to them.  Allow them to choose a meaningful place to keep their piece. If they do not wish to share their safe place, that is totally ok!  

Art is a useful tool to express other emotions as well.  It can provide words and language around emotion that is difficult to verbalize out loud.   Children can use color and shapes to show and externalize how big feelings including fear, anxiety, sadness and joy feel to them.  

Perhaps the most important tool to remember during this time is relationship.  Connection and attachment are healing in themselves. In order to fully be present with your child, we must also do things that nurture our soul as well.  I invite you to take a moment to yourself right now by placing one hand on your heart, the other on your stomach and feel your breath. Quietly extend compassion to yourself in this chaotic time.

You are seen, you are heard.  We are all doing the best we can.  

Presley Pacholick, LCSW
By: Presley Pacholick, LCSW

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