Archive of ‘Mindfulness’ category

An Attitude of Gratitude

“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgiving, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” – Proverb

One of my first jobs was as a waitress at a local seafood grill. There I learned the nuances of customer service and to not take things personally. Our motto was “the customer is always right”; however, sometimes the customer was quite grumpy, carrying in the weight of their day into the restaurant and our interaction. In those interactions, I could choose to internalize the customer’s frustrations or to offer kindness. I call this “choose your ‘tude.” I continue to use this as I strive to choose an attitude of gratitude by cherishing the good and seeing challenges as learning opportunities in my personal and professional life. Research shows that one key element to happiness is appreciating the good that we might be taking for granted, and there is science to support how gratitude supports happiness.

Gratitude; more than being thankful.

Gratitude is a multifaceted source of happiness and well-being. It goes beyond just listing things you are grateful for. The leading researchers on this topic created a definition of gratitude that is twofold; appreciating and attending to the good things in your life and recognizing that these things come from an external source (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). Gratitude is described as an “empathetic emotion” whose practice can positively impact our social, physical, and emotional well-being. 

Gratitude is powerful.

Gratitude helps fire neurons in your brain that contribute towards positive thinking and feelings of happiness. When we express gratitude, our brain releases dopamine and serotonin, which are responsible for the “feel good” emotions and support a lift in mood (Emmons & McCullough, 2003). A study that incorporated fMRI scans found that the participants who wrote gratitude letters showed greater activation in the area of the brain associated with learning and decision making (Brown & Wong, 2016). This suggests that this activation of the brain has lasting effects and can alter the way the participants see the world. The benefits you get from activating gratitude include (but are not limited to!) reduction in stress, increase in empathy, better sleep, enhanced resilience, increase in motivation, and improved relationships.

Gratitude opens up more room for positivity.

The intent is to help steer the focus on what you have instead of what you feel you lack. When you are thinking about the things, people, and experiences you are grateful for, it becomes harder to ponder the negative (Harvard Health Publishing, 2011). While the idea of practicing gratitude sounds simple, it can be challenged by competing priorities, a flux of emotions, and feeling drained. Some days we just don’t feel that grateful. The cool thing about practicing gratitude is this practice can help shift your mindset, helping you feel more positive emotions, which has a ripple effect and supports resiliency. 

“It is impossible to feel depressed and grateful at the same moment” – Naomi Williams

Gratitude can be unique.

There are various ways to express appreciation and incorporate this practice into your own life. 

  • Take a moment to reflect on fond memories
  • Start a daily gratitude journal
  • Thank someone for their kindness; verbally, through a thank you note, call, or text
  • Incorporate saying what you are thankful for at mealtime or bedtime
  • Meditate; focus on what you can hear, smell, see, and touch
  • Pay it forward to someone else (coffee is on me!)
  • Take time to appreciate small moments
  • Make a vision board
  • Create a gratitude jar, fill it when you feel inspired
  • Volunteer or donate to an organization in need
  • Use a gratitude app like Happyfeed
  • Listen to a Podcast focused on Happiness and Gratitude

I am grateful for the start of a new year and the opportunity to connect with our community. Now it’s your turn; what are you grateful for?

Resources:

Brown, J. J., & Wong, J. J. (2016, June 6). How Gratitude Changes You and Your Brain. Retrieved from https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_gratitude_changes_you_and_your_brain

Emmons, R. A., & McCullough, M. E. (2003). Counting blessings versus burdens: an experimental investigation of gratitude and subjective well-being in daily life. Journal of personality and social psychology, 84(2), 377. 

Harvard Health Publishing (2011, November). Giving thanks can make you happier. Retrieved from https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/giving-thanks-can-make-you-happier

Written by Janet Mize, LMFT-Associate Supervised by Kirby Sandlin Schroeder, LPC-S, LMFT-S

Things I Learned After Getting Married During a Pandemic

As 2020 comes to a close, I cannot help but think how COVID-19 has not only altered so many aspects of our lives, but also the way in which we cope with those changes as individuals, families, and communities. One thing I have been reflecting on the most in relation to the pandemic are the weeks leading up to my wedding and how the pandemic helped me find gratitude and strength in all the uncertainty.

Planning a Wedding During a Pandemic

Planning a wedding during an unprecedented time where everyone is constantly trying to process and adapt to new information about this virus was v e r y stressful. And truth be told, I did not expect COVID would still be here by the time my wedding happened in August, but as you know it was more present than ever. As humans I believe that we have this amazing ability to adapt in all types of situations, which is what we ended up doing. Because most of my family and friends were unable to attend, we lived streamed all three days of the festivities and ceremonies. Everyone in attendance wore face coverings. There were hand sanitizing stations and temperature checks at every corner of the venue. Instead of giving away custom Koozies or other trinkets, we sent our guests home with mini monogrammed hand sanitizers. In short, my wedding was nothing like I imagined it would be and by accepting that I allowed myself to be fully present and happy on my special day. 


After reflecting on my own experience, there are a couple of final thoughts that come up for me that I believe may help others cope with the changes that COVID-19 has brought us all. 

Social connection

Social connections are important and while we may not be able to create them as easily during this pandemic, we can still continue to strive for it. Connecting with others may have changed from grabbing an impromptu coffee to having a scheduled Zoom date, but nonetheless when we make time to meet with others it makes us feel better. According to Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist Dr. Dana Avey, “having a social network of friends with whom one can spend time is noted to have significant mental health benefits” such as lowering anxiety and depression, regulating emotions, and increasing overall sense of wellbeing. 

Support System

Creating a support system that we can rely on can help us get through this challenging time by having a few people we can turn to for everyday advice, managing stress, or help in a crisis. Support systems will look differently to everyone and that is okay, just as long as the people who make up this system are genuine sources of comfort and guidance.  Research continually shows that people who have a network of supportive relationships live longer, have better health, and are more resilient in times of stress. And when you have people in your corner, they can also help you identify when you’re experiencing stress or even notice it before you do. 

Find Your New Normal

This pandemic is changing how we live, work, and go about our daily lives. After we wrap our mind around how we are all living in an unprecedented time, then only can we work towards trying to find our new normal. It won’t be easy and we may fail, but we can continue trying to live each day with grace and forgiveness for ourselves and others.

Acknowledge Your Feelings

When we try to avoid or ignore important thoughts and feelings, they always have a way of manifesting  either through our behaviors, words, emotions etc. If you realize that certain things keep coming up for you, take a breath and acknowledge them. Being attuned to your own state of being without labeling it as good or bad is a concept that is largely rooted in mindfulness. Being mindful or aware of your body, mind, or feelings does not only have health benefits such as stress reduction, reduced blood pressure, and self regulation, but it can also increase your own awareness and understanding of yourself. Here are some ways you can build your self-awareness. If you’re interested in mindfulness check out this website, which breaks down mindfulness and how to practice it using step by step instructions.

Written by: Geetha Pokala, LPC-Associate Supervised by Kirby Schroeder LPC-S, LMFT-S


How to Fight *Fairly

As we continue to live in a socially distant world, we may be finding ourselves spending more time with our partners and/or family members, inevitably increasing the likelihood of conflict and/or miscommunication. 

Conflict in relationships is normal — the way we choose to “fight” defines whether or not the conflict is healthy or unhealthy. 

Here are some tips for fighting fairly with your loved ones:

Start with curiosity versus judgment – notice the conflict cycle. Ask yourself:

  1. What role am I playing in the conflict? Notice how you are usually reacting – defensiveness? Yelling? Walking away? What could your reaction be telling you? Is a boundary of yours being crossed? Are you carrying a responsibility that you don’t need to? Be curious about your reactions by simply noticing them versus judging them or being hard on yourself – you’re human!
  2. What headspace am I in when entering a conversation with my loved one that turns into conflict? Chances are you may be entering into important conversations while already feeling dysregulated from the day – lots of work calls, managing the kids new online school, running errands (let’s be real – we all have a lot going on as we continue to  adjust to life in a pandemic). Start with taking some time to take care of yourself – this can be something you do for 5 minutes of the day to an hour!
  3. When are my loved one and I usually having these conversations that turn into conflict? Set a time for important conversations so you both have time to regulate before entering the conversation.

Reframe. View the goal of conversations as finding a solution to the problem versus winning. 

  1. You and loved one versus the issue NOT you versus your loved one

Use I-statements.

The two words that often increase the likelihood of defensiveness in the person being spoken to are, “Why” and “You” when used to start a question or statement. Try the I-statement model instead, starting with how YOU are feeling versus what your loved one is DOING.

  1. “I feel ______ when ______. I need ______. What do you think?”

Repeat back what you heard BEFORE answering.

When we repeat back what we heard our loved one say first, we focus more on listening BEFORE coming up with our own response. 

  1. “I heard you say ________. Did I get that right?”

Ask for a break.

If you find yourself or your loved one escalating emotionally – name it AND choose a time to reconnect. It is impossible to have a productive conversation when we are only speaking from an emotional place – logic is no longer present.

  1. “I’m getting angry. Can we talk about this again in an hour?”

Incorporating even one of these tips into your communication pattern will inevitably change the conflict cycle you and your loved one may be engaging in.

Practice.

Practicing these tips is synonymous to learning a new language. 

Learning to communicate is difficult! Give yourself compassion as you navigate this process. Lean in to what you are needing in a healthy way. Wishing you all fair, healthy fighting! 

Written By: Sarah Shah, M.S., LPC-Intern 
Supervised by Martha Pasiminio, LPC-S


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