Archive of ‘Family Time’ category

The Power of Pausing

In a world that constantly tries to make you feel like you’re not enough, resting can be a very brave thing.

A few weeks ago, I visited Montana to spend time with my family and friends. As I sat in the cabin on vacation, I was uncomfortably aware of the texts and emails popping up on my phone and going unanswered (first lesson: turn off your email notifications when you’re on vacation).

As our worlds become more and more virtual, the ability to take work with us wherever we go becomes more and more possible. We go on vacation, but why not bring the laptop and work while we’re there? We can be productive anywhere these days, even in a secluded cabin.

There seems to be an unspoken expectation to remain accessible. Always. I mean, who doesn’t have a smartphone these days?

The email notifications pop up. The text messages roll in.

Usually, they’re not all that urgent. And, usually, we attend to them as if they are.

As I pushed away the inner urge to pick up my phone and laptop during the trip (and failed a few times and succeeded a few times), I had several realizations:

Resting can feel awkward and foreign.

Not being readily available to others can feel uncomfortable.

Being present with people in real-time is good for our souls.

Most things can wait.

Yet, we live in a society that hasn’t normalized or encouraged rest and pausing.

And so, even when we find ourselves in remote locations surrounded by peaceful nature, it can feel strange to unplug – like we’re breaking some unwritten rule and wasting our week away in the land of unproductivity. 

Here is a case for pausing and why it’s more important than rushing to respond to that text: 

1. Your nervous system gets a break.

In 6 Ways to Give your Nervous System a Break, Crystal Hoshaw writes, “The nervous system truly craves space and silence. Every activity is a little stimulating. Truly giving our nerves a break means we’re feeding them the minimum amount of stimulation possible and maximizing rest and rejuvenation.”

2. You get to connect with yourself.

When we pause, we create space for reflection and tuning into how we feel. This leads to less knee-jerk reactions and more thoughtful responses.

3. You get to connect with so many other things:

nature, your meal, your breath, your family.

You take some of your power back.

Taking time to pause helps rewrite the story that says you have to be available to everyone all the time. That’s not true, not healthy and extremely draining.

You give yourself an opportunity to find meaning in more than achieving. 

I won’t pretend unplugging is easy. Here are a few small ideas that still have the power to add up to big shifts: 

A walk around your neighborhood or in nature without your phone

Putting your phone on airplane mode as you begin or end your day

Taking five minutes to close your eyes and breathe. Even one minute!

Making a conscious decision to respond to non urgent emails and texts at one designated time each day vs scattered throughout the day.

All of these acts allow us to become more intentional with our energy, more grounded in our bodies, and, frankly, more relieved.

You are more than what you do.

I felt that as I listened to the rushing river and the chirping birds. As I stared at the magnificent mountains. As I sipped a cup of tea and tuned into the conversations that were happening right in front of me.

Written by: Jamie Alger, LPC-Associate                                                                                                     Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S


How To Tell Your Child You Love Them

Love is such a special feeling we experience with others, especially with a parent towards their child. There are many ways to show your child you love them without just saying it. Each child receives love differently, depending on what they are most comfortable with. Test these out and see what works the best for your kiddo, and, of course, feel the love!

1. Spend One-on-One Time Together

It’s so valuable to spend one-on-one time with each of your children, even if it’s 30 minutes every week. Pick the same day and time each week if possible so it’s a “date” your child looks forward to every week. Allow your child to pick the activity they enjoy. Devote all your focus on them and the activity they chose. This time should just be you and your child, nothing else. 

2. Listen and Reflect Feelings

Your child shares aspects that are important to them with you. Make sure they feel acknowledged and prioritized when they share those aspects. Put down your phone when they are talking and make eye contact while appearing interested. Reflect any feelings you are noticing in them or in yourself. Reflecting allows for you to understand your child and for your child to feel understood and connected by you.

3. Hug Them

Physical touch is a critical part in fostering a loving and trusting relationship with your child. Hug them, cuddle with them, high-five them, hold their hand, sit or lay with them on the couch. Be near them and show them you are physically there for them.

4. Create a Routine Together

Having your child assist in building their routine allows for esteem building and creates trust together. It also allows having a set schedule to provide safety and consistency for your child’s life, especially during the school semester when tasks feel more hectic. 

5. Share Strengths

When you notice a strength in your child, tell them. Tell them everyday. You are showing your belief in them, which allows for them to grow into that and believe in themselves as well.

6. Family Meetings

Having a family meeting to discuss topics that effect everyone, should include everyone’s voice. Allow your child to brainstorm on where to go for dinner or what changes need to be made at home to assist the family in working together. This acknowledges you care about their voice and value their opinion. This assists with feelings of belonging and security.

7. Be Patient

Having kids can be extremely challenging and stressful. Some days you just want to scream and run away. Breathe. Take care of yourself and figure out what helps you feel calm and regulated. You are the example at the house to show how to handle big feelings. 

8. Laugh Out Loud

Laughter can feel like the best medicine. Be silly with your child and allow for good times to roll together. Laughing can bring you both even closer towards one another.

9. Acknowledge When You’re Wrong

We are certain to make mistakes, we are only human. How we are able to recover and how we handle our mistakes is what makes the difference rather than the act itself. Do not be afraid to admit you were wrong to your child. This shows them that it is okay to admit when you have done something you should not have or misspoken.

10. Surprise them

Establishing that routine is crucial to consistent growth but an unexpected surprise shows your child you’re thinking of them, even when they aren’t around. This can be as small as bringing their favorite snack when being picked up from school, putting a sweet note in their lunchbox, or bringing home something from the store that reminded you of them.

Written by: Sumayah Downey, MA, LPC-Associate, NCC Supervised by Cristy Ragland, LPC-S, LMFT-S, RPT-S


Tips For A Successful Transition To Summer

The temperatures are climbing, school dismissal bells are ringing, and sandals are reclaiming their rightful place as a wardrobe go-to. Summer is around the corner! While summer is usually associated with fun in the sun, it’s not always popsicles and rainbows. Summer is also a big time of transition for kids and their families. The change in routine and lack of schedule can be challenging for some people. However, this is also a great season for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation – especially after a tough school year like this one has been! Here are some of my favorite ways to make the most of your family’s transition to summer. 

Maintain A Routine

One of the toughest challenges I see is the change in routine for kids and their families. Within a matter of weeks kids go from a structured, time oriented lifestyle to a very loose and non-directive day. This shift in expectations and routine can be tough for kids and teens who thrive on structure, routine, and activity-based schedules. 

Consider maintaining a routine for summer that helps provide some parameters for everyone’s day to day experience. A great way to start this conversation is by hosting a family meeting. Bring the family together to discuss appropriate boundaries for wake up & sleep time, chores, and screen time during the summer. Ask each family member for input and find ways to meet everyone’s needs in agreement. Once or twice a month, consider revisiting this conversation in another family meeting to make adjustments as needed. As the months go on, the needs of the kids may change (and potentially yours will too!) This will help ensure a steady transition from spring to summer, and may make the transition from summer into fall easier as well. Find a local Certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator to learn more about the benefits of family meetings and how to incorporate them into your routine. 

Let’s Go Exploring!

One of the highlights of summer is the gift of time! Less time spent in school means more time for extracurricular activities and interests. It can be really hard to weave in hobbies and new activities during the school year. Use this time to get in touch with your inner explorer! 

I encourage families to find ways to try new things over the summer to break up the monotony of long unstructured days. It’s a great time for kids to explore new interests they may have. Ask your children if they have any new sports or hobbies they want to try over the summer and enroll them in a class or interest group. It’s an easy way to meet new friends with common interests and help encourage new neural connections in the brain. Another easy way to introduce new things is planning a Staycation in your own city. Maybe there are some cool new restaurants you’ve been wanting to try, or a local park you haven’t had a chance to visit. Take some time to collect ideas of different places or activities and write them on popsicle sticks. Take one or two sticks out of the jar each Sunday to see where the week will take you!

Keep Up With Your Therapy

The kids are out of school, children are taking breaks from our regular routine of after school activities, and adults are taking time off work for fun vacations and day trips. Without the regular stressors of everyday life, keeping your regular weekly therapy may feel a bit unnecessary, right? Actually, it may be the furthest from the truth! Summer is the best time to jumpstart progress and growth, especially for kids and teens. Less stressors means more opportunity for the brain to stay grounded, attuned, and ready for processing. This is a great time for teens to work on emotion regulation, peer relationships, and overall exploration of their mind, body, and soul. It’s so important to model the prioritization of mental health year round, and maintaining regular sessions over the summer is a perfect time to model this self care for yourself and others. 

In addition, summer is a great time to schedule appointments with other practitioners to help coincide with ongoing therapeutic treatment. Summer is the perfect time to explore new treatment modalities or complete in depth psychological assessments. The extra time off from school allows for time for kids to adjust to new medications, build relationships with collaborative practitioners, and develop a plan for success for the upcoming school year. Ask your therapist if they have any recommendations for collaborative care in your ongoing treatment plan. Your therapist should have a list of referrals available for local psychologists, psychiatrists, and dietitians who are ready and able to help work together to create the best treatment plan for you or your child. 

In the spirit of full disclosure, summer is my favorite season. With these tips (and a good amount of Air Conditioning!) it can become yours, too! Incorporating these areas of growth into your life will help ease the transition from season to season, and prepare you for an amazing and bright few months ahead. Consider reaching out to your favorite therapist for support in making summer 2021 the best one yet! 

Written By: Sara Balkanli, LPC-Associate Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S


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