Archive of ‘Anxiety’ category

How to Talk to Your Children About the News

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, ‘Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.’” – Mr. Rogers

The news is everywhere, and children are becoming consumers of the news at younger and younger ages. Not all information is factual, and children might have a difficult time distinguishing between what is real and what is false. Children might also be frightened by things they hear from peers or news outlets. By age level, here are the things parents should focus on when discussing the news with their children.

Children Under 7
  • Keep the news off – children in the age group developmentally do not need to be seeing the news. Wait until children are in bed to get your nightly fix. Keep any pictures that might be violent or distressing out of sight of children, that includes things on the internet! Make sure your computers and tablets have child protections in place that include news channels. 
  • Emphasize that your family is safe – If your child does hear about a tragedy in the news, highlight to your child that your family is safe. Clear up any misconceptions that your child may have about what happened. Although we as adults know that chances are low, your child only needs to know that this won’t happen to them. Children are very black and white at this stage, and might be fearful if they think there’s even a tiny chance of something bad happening to them. 
  • Teach basic safety skills – 
    • Beginning at age 4, knowing how to call 911. Children should know how to call from a parent’s cell phone, and know to answer questions as best they can, without hanging up. 
    • Know address and phone numbers at age 3. Children can best learn this through a made up song. 
    • Know names of parents. 
Children 8-12
  • Ask what they know – they’re getting a lot of information and misinformation at school at this age, so ask first what they know, and correct any misconceptions. 
  • Allow them to ask questions – and answer in an age appropriate way. Take into account your child’s sensitivity. What is right for one child is not for another child.
  • Talk about the news, but filter coverage – Children of this age do not need to see the grisly photographs, but they can know about what is going on in the world in a discussion. 
  • Talk about what you can do to help – they can send politicians post cards or attend an event with you. Encouraging them to help will let them feel as though they are making a difference in the world. 
  • Have a plan – making a disaster or safety plan with your child will give them a sense of control. 
  • Acknowledge feelings – Big feelings during tragedies are a normal and valid reaction. Allow your child to mourn and question when bad things happen. Be comforting but also accepting.
Teens
  • Be open – check in with them and allow them to express their opinions. It’s ok to state yours, as long as you’re not shutting down your teen’s ideas.
  • Let them develop – Teenagers are creating their own morality at this stage, and it’s important for them to question and challenge ideas. Within this questioning is growth, and identifying who they are as a person.
  • Encourage activism – Teens can participate in their world even more than younger children. They can attend meetings and events, and raise awareness about issues that are important to them.
  • Do the same things you would do with younger children, but at their developmental level. Some teenagers might need reassurance from their parents. Some might need an action plan. Be open and aware of your teen’s feelings so that you can do what’s best for them.

No matter what the age of your child, watch for significant and lasting behavioral change from your child when they’ve heard about a tragedy. If these steps are not working to reassure and help your child feel safe, it might be time to seek some professional help. 

Questions? Contact Michelle at [email protected]

By: Michelle Beyer, LPC-Intern
Supervised by Karen Burke, LPC-S, RPT-S


Anxiety in Children: When Should You Seek Help? (Part 2 of 2)

For a reminder about anxiety in children and what is or is not normal, check out part 1 of 2 of this series.  Hopefully, this will give you as a parent, some better ideas on how your child is doing and how to differentiate normal & abnormal anxiety and stress management. If you’re still worried about your child and feel they are displaying more than what is typical for a kid their age, read on to determine when you should seek help.

Anxiety-Related Red Flags

As a parent, the main thing to keep in mind when trying to establish if your child needs extra help managing their anxiety is how it is affecting your child’s functioning. What your child is having anxiety about may be a developmentally appropriate subject, but the level of anxiety and suffering may be problematic. For example, your preteen might be worried about how she is going to do in her band recital. This is a normal response to a novel situation. However, if your child is not sleeping because of her nervousness, is overly emotional about the event, she is avoiding the event, or cannot be reassured, then it might be time to seek professional help for your child.

Other issues to look out for when identifying anxiety in your child are headaches, stomachaches, nausea, vomiting and sleeplessness. These anxiety symptoms can last for months at a time. Symptoms can include clinginess, heightened emotionality, tantrums, difficulties concentrating or making decisions, as well as excessive anger or irritability. Children suffering from anxiety seem to be pessimistic, have catastrophic thoughts, and unreached perfectionistic ideals. Reassurances from caregivers is often not enough to calm down a child whose anxiety is out of their control.

As seen above, these symptoms are definitely interfering with a child’s day to day life. Another aspect of anxiety can be more difficult to initially notice. People pleasing and perfectionism are insidious ways that anxiety can manifest. These are generally seen as good qualities, but can be extremely distressing to your child if they never feel like they are good enough. If you notice your child “blowing up” over events that seem out of proportion, it could be a sign of perfectionism anxiety.

What to Expect from Therapy

Your child’s therapist will likely want to first meet with you to discuss all the concerns you have about your child. Once your child begins therapy, she will have a safe space in which she can discuss, through play or activities, the anxiety she is experiencing. Your child’s therapist will also equip you and your child with new skills to handle the anxiety when it feels too big. Sometimes in therapy the issue gets worse before it gets better, meaning that as your child’s therapist works through the anxiety with your child, your child might act out again. This is a normal process towards healing. Wait out the storm and trust the process. By taking these measure and getting your child to therapy at an early age, you could be saving them from years of detrimental anxiety.

Questions? Feel free to contact Michelle at [email protected]

By: Michelle Beyer, LPC – Intern Supervised by Karen Burke, LPC-S, RPT-S


EMDR 101

Maybe you have heard about EMDR and you are curious about what it is or if it may be a good fit for you? EMDR stands for eye movement desensitization and reprocessing. It essentially mimics the processing that occurs during REM sleep to help your brain reorganize and heal difficult memories and “unstick” negative beliefs. This is done by administering bi-lateral stimulation through eye movements or tappers – helping both hemispheres of your brain to “turn on” at the same time while processing a memory.

Now, if you are like me, this may sound too easy or maybe just too woo-hooey for you. I felt this way also when I first heard about EMDR… and I am a trained professional in this field! But let me bring you some support as to why this works. For the ease of understanding, let’s think of your memory network like a filing cabinet and the information your brain gathers as pieces of paper. In “normal” daily situations, our brains take in mass amounts of information and filter it through a process to collect necessary data, file it where it needs to be accessed appropriately, and gets rid of what we do not need to keep. However, when we are under threat or a high stress event occurs, the processing gets interrupted and information gets stored incorrectly. When this happens, it causes distress, flashbacks, dysfunctional beliefs, and triggers.

In a controlled manner, EMDR allows you to bring up the triggering pieces of paper, encourages the brain to look and re-identify it, and then correctly files it where it needs to go. By reprogramming the traumatic memory, you remove the upsetting emotions that come with it and it will become neutral or even positive!

Please understand that this does NOT take away experiences or make lessons learned from the event non-existent. It simply removes the real-time distress and anxious responses from it. This is still part of your story and part of what has shaped the positive aspects of who you are- but the negative effects no longer need to follow you.

EMDR is a gentle option to treatment. It is most known for working with traumatic memories, but it is also great for when you feel “stuck” and can not seem to get around harmful patterns or negative beliefs. If this is you, EMDR might be perfect to refile those papers and get you back on track!

By: Grace Shook, LPC


1 2 3 5