Archive of ‘Stress Management’ category

Why I Love Being an EMDR Therapist

Becoming an EMDR Trained Therapist is one of the most exciting things I have ever done. It is my honor and my joy to work with persons who have carried terrible burdens of trauma and pain for many years; and to help them unload those burdens, and find healing, hope, and peace. 

Alphabet soup

The acronym EMDR stands for “Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.” That is a mouthful. I would define EMDR therapy as “a powerful way to assist your brain’s natural healing process.” This solidly-researched psychotherapy method helps people recover from trauma, PTSD, anxiety, depression, panic disorder, addiction, and many other difficulties in living. 

Your brain knows how to heal 

Each day, our brains absorb a huge amount of information. Many things happen to us, both good and bad. Our brains sift out the key information, and store it in a form that will help us handle new experiences. This is how we learn from the past, adapt to our environment, and prepare ourselves for the future. 

Your brain knows how to heal, just as your body knows how to heal. When bad things happen to us, our brain heals from them—much as your skin heals from a cut. Much of the daily healing of our brains occurs while we sleep. 

Trauma interrupts healing

Trauma interrupts the brain’s natural healing process. Trauma is an intensely disturbing or distressing experience that overwhelms our ability to cope. When you experience a trauma, your brain is unable to do its normal processing of that event. Your brain is unable to put the memory in a form that is useful for the future. Instead, the memory gets stuck in its original, raw, disturbing form—including distressing thoughts, emotions, and body sensations.  

EMDR therapy restarts healing 

 The role of an EMDR therapist is to restart your brain’s natural healing process. The therapist follows carefully-researched methods that guide your brain to heal naturally. One of my mentors compared an EMDR therapist to a midwife. A midwife assists a woman as she gives birth naturally; the midwife intervenes only when necessary. Likewise, an EMDR therapist assists a client as his or her brain heals naturally; the therapist intervenes only when necessary. 

Where did EMDR therapy come from?

In 1987, American psychologist Francine Shapiro, Ph.D., made a chance discovery. While walking through a park, thinking about a disturbing memory, she happened to be moving her eyes rapidly from side to side. After her walk, she noticed that while the memory remained, it no longer disturbed her. Fascinated, she dedicated the rest of her life to researching this phenomenon, and developing it into a powerful method for healing. Many researchers all over the world joined in her work. After Dr. Shapiro’s untimely death in 2019, EMDR research has continued. 

EMDR therapy has been extensively researched, all over the world, for over 30 years. Research has shown that EMDR therapy is effective not only for trauma counseling and PTSD recovery, but also for anxiety, depression, panic disorders, substance use and addiction, and many other mental health needs. EMDR therapy yields deep, lasting healing. For many clients, EMDR therapy yields results faster than other methods of psychotherapy. 

Eye movements

Typically, an EMDR therapist guides the client to move their eyes rapidly from side to side. In some situations, a therapist may choose tapping, or some other form of side-to-side stimulation, instead. It is thought that the side-to-side stimulation, rapidly alternating left-right-left-right, stimulates the left and right hemispheres of the brain to work cooperatively with each other in the healing process. 

EMDR therapy is safe and effective

EMDR therapy works. EMDR therapy has 30 years of solid research behind it. Highly respected health organizations—including the American Psychological Association, the National Alliance on Mental Illness, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the United States Department of Veterans Affairs, and the World Health Organization—have endorsed EMDR therapy as a safe, effective, evidence-based treatment.

EMDR therapy is based on the neurobiology of the brain. Neurobiology is a field that has advanced greatly in the past 30 years. New discoveries in neurobiology show that EMDR therapy brings about real, observable, biological healing in the brain. 

EMDR therapy may be related to REM sleep

Researchers think that the rapid, side-to-side eye movements used in EMDR therapy resemble the rapid eye movements that we experience during part of the time that we are asleep. Have you ever seen a sleeping person whose eyes are moving side to side, under their closed eyelids? This is called Rapid Eye Movement (REM) sleep. It is thought that REM sleep is an important part of our brains’ healing process. 

When the EMDR therapist guides the client to move their eyes rapidly from side to side, this may mimic REM sleep. However, during EMDR therapy, the client is wide awake and fully in control of his or her thoughts and actions. 

EMDR therapy is a holistic approach

EMDR therapy is not a quick fix. EMDR therapy is not a technique, or a collection of techniques. 

EMDR therapy is an integrated, holistic approach to mental health care. Like any other form of counseling, it is built on the solid foundation of your having a good, working relationship with your therapist. You and your EMDR therapist will take time to build a relationship of mutual trust. A good EMDR therapist will treat you with deep respect, empathy, and unconditional positive regard. He or she will notice your strengths, point them out to you, and help you believe in them.

EMDR therapy accesses the “emotional brain”

EMDR therapy helps make connections between your thinking and your feelings. EMDR therapy helps bridge the gap between your head and your heart. 

Our brains have layers. The outermost layer is the “thinking brain,” where rational thought occurs. The inner layers are the “emotional brain,” where our feelings reside, along with our survival instincts. Your “emotional brain” communicates closely with your body. You may have noticed that your emotions influence your body sensations, and vice versa. 

Trauma lodges in the “emotional brain” more than it does in the “thinking brain.” Trauma also lodges in the body. You may have read the bestseller “The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma,” by Bessel van der Kolk, M.D. The title of that book states an important truth. 

EMDR therapy differs from many forms of psychotherapy in that it directly accesses our “emotional brain.” By contrast, some forms of therapy, such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), directly access our “thinking brain.” Even if you have already experienced some form of “talk therapy,” you may benefit from EMDR therapy in addition. EMDR therapy addresses a different part of your brain, and gives a different kind of healing.

Reducing the distress of a memory 

Sometimes we wish that we could erase a painful memory, but our brains don’t work that way. Attempts to numb the pain, for example with alcohol or drugs, are temporary—and have many unwanted side effects. 

EMDR therapy doesn’t erase the memory. But it reduces the distress associated with the memory. The relief that one experiences from EMDR therapy is permanent, and without side effects. 

EMDR therapy helps the mind, emotions, and body to heal from the memory. During EMDR therapy, the memory is processed into a useful form. Our brain makes sense out of it. We learn from the past so that we can cope better in the future. The distressing, volatile emotions are calmed. The body response to the memory is released. Many clients report an overall reduction in distress. 

If you have experienced a trauma, it will always be a terrible event. It will always be something that should never have happened to you. EMDR therapy doesn’t change the facts. But EMDR therapy enables you to be at peace with the past, and to look forward to the future with hope. 

Touching the memory without reliving it

During EMDR therapy, the client touches the traumatic memory without reliving it. The therapist guides the client to recall the event without being overwhelmed by it. This is like the difference between diving into the swimming pool, or just dipping your toe. For EMDR therapy, you only dip your toe. For this reason, EMDR therapy is gentler to the client than some forms of therapy that involve reliving the trauma.

Healing memories without telling the details

Surprisingly, EMDR therapy works even if the client tells the therapist very little about the traumatic memory. The client needs to recall and notice the memory and their reactions to it. However, healing does not depend on the therapist knowing any details. This is important, since sometimes a client needs to heal from a trauma that he or she cannot talk about in detail. An example would be a veteran who has served on secret missions.  

Have you experienced trauma? 

No one goes through life unscathed. Even if you do not think of yourself as a trauma survivor, you certainly have had some disturbing experiences. 

When we think of trauma, we often think of catastrophic events, such as a devastating car accident or a sexual assault. But our brains are also affected by adverse life experiences—events that may not seem major, but that may impact us. Adverse life experiences can affect us deeply if they are repeated for a long time, or if we were very young or otherwise vulnerable when they occurred. 

Are your past traumas affecting your present-day life?

If the answer is “no,” then there is no reason to revisit your past, painful experiences. There is no excuse to ask someone to revisit a painful experience—unless it is necessary for healing. 

If painful experiences from your past are truly healed, they do not harm you in the present, and they will not harm you in the future. If, on the other hand, traumas are merely “contained,” not healed, they may impact you in the future. To illustrate the difference, recall stories you have heard about veterans. 

You have probably heard stories of soldiers who experienced the horrors of war, but bravely returned to battle day after day. There was no time to heal from these wartime traumas, so the soldiers “contained” them as long as they could—sometimes for years after the battles were over. However, for some veterans, a chance event can suddenly break open the “container” that holds the traumas. Suddenly, the veteran is overwhelmed with flashbacks, nightmares, etc., that make it difficult for him or her to cope. A veteran in that situation would benefit from EMDR therapy. 

The goal of EMDR therapy is to heal your past traumas, not merely to stuff them into a “container.” “Containment” is temporary, but healing lasts. 

Lingering symptoms of trauma

You may be experiencing aftereffects of trauma that you do not recognize as such. Lingering symptoms of past trauma may include feeling ashamed, worthless, hopeless, depressed, anxious, irritable or numb; feeling emotionally overwhelmed or unable to concentrate; experiencing nightmares, flashbacks, panic attacks, chronic pain, headaches, eating disorders, substance abuse, or self-destructive behavior; constantly being on alert for danger; having blank time periods of your life about which you have few or no memories; feeling as if you or your surroundings are unreal; or feeling as if your body is not your own. 

Time and budget

A good EMDR therapist will respect your time and budget. He or she will work with you to create a treatment plan based on your goals. The purpose is to give you as much healing as possible, as efficiently as possible. You may request a short-term, solution-focused plan. Alternatively, you may seek to resolve complex trauma—if you desire deep healing from many, serious hurts.

Sometimes in the course of therapy, new issues can arise. This is true of any kind of therapy, not just EMDR therapy. If new issues arise, you and your therapist can decide together how best to handle them. 

EMDR processing of a specific memory is a well-defined project, with a beginning, a middle, and an end. At some point you will say to your therapist something like, “It was still a terrible event, but it doesn’t upset me anymore. I am at peace.” After careful checking, your therapist will say to you something like, “Congratulations! You have completed the processing of that memory. Good work!” 

Clients are smart

If you are feeling caution, hesitation, or ambivalence about trying EMDR therapy, I respect that. One of my mentors told me, “Our clients are smart. They know what they are ready for.” A good EMDR therapist will listen carefully to your needs and priorities. He or she will follow your sense of urgency. He or she will respect your sense of caution. Together you will create a plan for how EMDR therapy can best help you. 

In collaboration with your therapist, you may choose to start very gently, for example by naming a current source of anxiety in your life, and working to reduce your suffering about this current stressor. Alternatively, you and your therapist may decide together that you are ready to address a major trauma in your past that is impacting your life today. 

Key takeaway

EMDR is a powerful form of therapy that gives deep healing. For me it is a great privilege to assist in my clients’ natural healing process. I am often in awe as I witness the beautiful way in which my clients’ brains achieve healing, wholeness, and peace.  

[I wish to thank Helen Harris, Ed.D., LCSW-S, Rick Levinson, LCSW, Kasey Salyer, LCSW-S, and Trina Welz, LPC-S, for teaching me the above material. I also referred to a paper by Janina Fisher, Ph.D.] 

Written by: Catherine C. Stansbury, LMSW, supervised by Melissa L. Gould, LCSW-S. Catherine is a therapist here at Austin Family Counseling. She is an EMDR Trained Therapist specializing in trauma therapy for adults. She has a Master of Social Work from Baylor University. She is a Certified Practitioner of the MBTI, trained by The Myers & Briggs Foundation; a PAC Certified Independent Consultant, trained by the Positive Approach to Care organization; an associate member of the Aging Life Care Association; and an associate member of the EMDR International Association (EMDRIA).


Creating Your Yellow Brick Road

What does it mean to feel at home?

There is a debate as to whether home is a physical place or a feeling. Dorothy captures this desire to fill the void of feeling distant, whether it be mentally or physically, when she recites, “There’s no place like home” (Fleming, 1939, 1:39:01). Home is the feeling of warmth, understanding, and inner peace. How do we capture the essence of home
when we are far from it? Whether it be a vacation, work trip or a new residence, feeling at home is essential.

What is a part of your home?

Think to yourself, aside from the physical structure, what else is a part of your home? Loved ones, beloved pets, specific scents, articles of clothing, and certain foods cultivate feelings of familiarity. When moving to a different city, visiting a foreign country or when physically distant from the ones I love, I turn to my phone. It houses resources, enabling me to bring my support system wherever I go. From calling my parents to ordering my favorite foods to my door, my phone is a portal. I can look at photos of my miniature schnauzer when I miss her cuddles, video chat with my best friends, and make to-do lists to feel a sense of structure over my time.

Finding peace.

Home can be anywhere, but it requires skills and resources to capture that feeling. Counseling provides clients with the coping skills to be patient and find inner peace. Our lives and the world around us are ever-changing. With teletherapy, you too can be a couple of clicks away from feeling at home.

Fleming, V. (Director). (1939). The Wizard of Oz [Film]. Metro Goldwyn Mayer.

written by Marianna Vanillo, M.S., LPC-Associate,
Supervised by Molly McCann, M.S., LPC-S


Why Aren’t They Ready Yet?? The Stages of Change.

Have you ever been frustrated when you know somebody needs to change something in their life, but they just can’t seem to understand it the way you do? It could be anything from working on physical health, to drug addiction, to a quasi-bad habit that needs to be broken. The other person just doesn’t see how bad things are and that they need to change! What this COULD mean is that you and the other person are at different stages of change.

What are the Stages of Change?

The Stages of Change as discussed in this blog come from Motivational Interviewing, which is a type of therapy that can either be practiced independently or in conjunction with other therapeutic modalities. Here are the stages:

1. Precontemplation Stage

In this stage, someone would not even realize that there is something worth changing. They wouldn’t think they have a problem, and they wouldn’t be contemplating any change. They could be in denial, they could be back at square one after trying a change and giving up, they could be told by folks that they need to change/have a problem but they say “I’m the exception” or “That’ll never be me” statements. 

An example: Jonah smokes a pack of cigarettes a day, and his friends tell him they are worried about his long term health. Jonah responds to his friends “I’m not worried about it. It’s just a pack and I could stop any time I want to! Other people get cancer, but it doesn’t run in my family and it won’t happen to me!”

2. Contemplation Stage

This stage is when someone knows they want to make a change, and they begin weighing their options. Here, therapists and friends will often hear this person express ambivalence about making the change, fear talk, and “I would, but…” statements. 

An example: Mel has been having stomach problems with her anxiety for a few months and knows that a trip to the doctor would likely help her figure out ways to feel better. She is afraid that they may have to run invasive tests or change her diet, which give her even more anxiety and make her stomach issues worse. She has talked to her partner about her stomach issues and has said many times, “I should make that doctor’s appointment soon, but I’m just too busy with school to take a day off!”

3. Preparation Stage

Here, folks will start to get ready to make a change, or they may make small steps toward the change. This could be the point at which we hear someone say “I’m about to start doing ___” as they get ready to make their change. They may start sampling their new lifestyle, or dipping their toe in to test the waters, but haven’t taken any formal action toward the change. 

An example: Jess has become aware of the fact that social media consumption exacerbates her depression and anxiety. She decided that deleting her social media apps off of her phone will be a big step to helping her mental health. She recently posted to her friends that she will be deleting her apps and will be much harder to reach soon. She gave them her other contact information so they can still text and facetime, without the obligation to see everything that has been giving her FOMO and anxiety. The apps are still on her phone for the time being, and she is mentally preparing for the day next week that she will delete them. 

4. Action Stage

A person in this stage is actively trying to make their change happen. This is often where the bulk of therapy work occurs, as our clients have taken steps to call our office and schedule a session, sit with a therapist and discuss their concerns. It is possible to get to the Action stage multiple times (like, with a pesky New Years’ Resolution) only to revert to an earlier stage a few times over. 

An example: Evan started going to the gym Monday through Thursday after work, made an accountability buddy at the gym, and is loving it! He used to go to the gym about once or twice a year, and recently became fed up with his sedentary lifestyle. He is really trying to find ways to keep his gym habit sustainable this time. 

5. Maintenance Stage

This is the stage that we would aim to be in for the longest amount of time. Maintenance is the goal of making a change; we want to maintain our change over time. A person in this stage has become proficient at their action stage and is looking to maintain the change. 

An example: Ori calls himself a “recovering anger-holic.” He grew up with enormous difficulty with expressing his emotions, and often would have angry outbursts. When he became engaged to Amber in his thirties, she asked him to go to therapy for his anger. In this way, Amber helped Ori move from stage 1 through stage 4. He worked with his therapist to express his feelings in healthier ways, manage his anger, and grow his support network. Ori and Amber participated in couples therapy a few times over the years (especially when Ori’s anger looked like it was relapsing), but now that they are in their fifties, they hardly need outside help. He can still be triggered into what used to be fits of anger, but now are fits of coping and emotional expression. Amber knows all of his most reliable coping skills and they use code-words when he really needs to go cool off and take a walk. 

6. Relapse Stage

A relapse is when an individual returns to a previous stage for any amount of time. It is common, when making a change, to be tempted to return to the pre-change lifestyle. It is important during a relapse temptation to seek support and try not to relapse. A relapse could be small or large, and it doesn’t mean you or your treatment failed. After a relapse, an individual could return straight to maintenance, or it may require a return to an earlier stage. It is possible to return to precontemplation after a relapse, as someone could say “oh that wasn’t as bad as I remembered” and be enveloped once again with their pre-change lifestyle.  

An example: Ellee realized she had a gaming addiction when she was 22. After the challenge of quitting video games and seeking help, she maintains an abstinence from video games as a 28 year old. She recently relapsed when a new group of friends had a housewarming party for their friend. She didn’t know that there would be a console with the expectation to play some party games over drinks, and she had gone home afterward and continued a game-watching binge on Twitch. Ellee felt guilty and embarrassed the next day when she realized what she had done. She called her dad (her “biggest supporter”) the next day to tell him what happened, and told her therapist about it in their next session. She made a plan to tell the new group of friends how they can support her and why she has to stay away from video games. They worked together to make a plan to have console nights without her, and include her for other activities instead. It was her third ever relapse, and she commented in therapy that the aftercare seems to “get easier every time” when she relapses. She will easily get back into her maintenance stage, as she does not own any platforms that allow for her previous video game habits, and she has now blocked Twitch on her laptop to prevent another similar relapse. 

Fun Facts

Fun Fact 1: Someone can bounce around to various stages many times before coming to their “final” maintenance stage. Even then, relapses may occur and require a re-do of some earlier stages before returning to maintenance. 

Fun Fact 2: It can be extremely frustrating when you are at a different stage of change from a loved one with a change that needs to be made. These stages can be discussed with your therapist, and you and your loved one can come to a decision about how best to proceed together in sessions. 

If you are ready to talk about making a change in your life, reach out to us at [email protected] or 512-298-3381. 

(The Stages of Change discussed in this blog are taken from Prochaska and DiClemente’s 1983 Stages of Change Model, and the book Motivational Interviewing, Third Edition: Helping People Change by Miller and Rollnick)


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