Archive of ‘Counseling’ category

4 Things Parents Should Know About Child Therapy

As a therapist who has worked primarily with children for the past two years, a common theme I have noticed with parents and caregivers is their misconceptions and misunderstandings of what the therapy process can look like for children. Therapy for children and therapy for adults is completely different and understanding these differences can not only clear any mistaken beliefs that parents may have about child therapy, but also set realistic expectations for how the therapeutic process may develop. 

1. Communication 

Children cannot always communicate clearly and/or effectively about how they are feeling or what they are thinking in the way verbal adults can. Using words is not the only way that children need or have to communicate in the therapy room. Play therapy is one of the most commonly used modalities when working with children because it relies on play, a child’s natural way of communicating. Play encompasses a wide range of activities, a few being: imaginative play, board games, nature explorations, creative visualizations, storytelling, legos, dancing, and role playing. 

2. Trust and Safety

One of the main duties of a therapist is to establish and maintain safety. Creating a space that is judgment free and accepting is one of the ways therapists strive to create a sense of safety in the therapy room. This can be especially challenging with children because it relies on them to purposefully take down their guard and trust the therapist, which is why therapists spend most of their time focusing on building strong rapport with their younger clients. When a strong therapeutic relationship is created between the client and therapist, it allows for more trust and communication. 

3. Privacy 

It goes without saying that children under the age of 18 are considered minors and because of that their parents are entitled to know anything and everything that happens in session. However, barring any danger or physical harm to the client or to others, some therapists may ask parents to agree to the therapist’s confidentiality rules before they will treat the client. In doing so, therapists are increasing cooperation in therapy, protecting their clients from the risk of abuse, and maintaining a sense of safety and trust in the therapeutic relationship. Some parents may feel concerned about their child’s therapist not telling them everything that transpires in session and that is a valid concern to have. When therapists preserve their clients’ confidentiality and privacy, their intention is not to create a one-sided relationship between client and therapist, but rather to encourage communication and trust in the counseling room, which can then progress to relationships outside of it. 

4. Trusting the process 

It is not always easy for parents to trust in the therapeutic process. Parents are paying for their child to get help and when change does not happen as quickly or acutely as they would like it can be disheartening. Additionally, the idea of not always being able to know what is happening in their child’s therapy can create feelings of separation and disconnection. Ultimately, when parents understand that therapists share the mutual goal of providing help and healing for their child then any concerns or apprehensions about the process can dissolve. 

It is unreasonable for parents to expect their children to openly discuss everything that occurs in session. Children in therapy need to know that what they say or do in therapy will be upheld by confidentiality. If a child knows that what they share in their sessions will be shared with their parents then they would be less willing to attend therapy and get the needed help. Trusting their child’s therapist to share important and general information about the happenings in the therapeutic process is a vital part of the child’s healing and effectiveness of therapy. When an open line of communication is created between parents and therapists, therapists can listen to any concerns that parents have and offer appropriate suggestions which can aid in the healing process. 

Written by: Geetha Pokala LPC-Associate Supervised by Kirby Schroeder LPC-S, LMFT-S

The Container You Create

With the rise of telehealth and the quick ubiquitous implementation of it, and then the long year that has followed; it might be a good time to pause and consider how your therapeutic container is treating you.

One marked benefit of hosting sessions in your own space is the fluidity with which therapy can exist in the midst of your daily life. Being in your space means being around your preferred creature comforts (including possible “therapy animals”). This shift means skipping the commute to the office, creating possible ease in childcare or work/school scheduling. 

There are also noted drawbacks to this technological switch. 

Pre-Covid, there was a certain ritualistic bookending on either end of the session that occurred by way of driving or walking to the office, sitting in the waiting room, then traveling to your next destination. There was inherently a moment for reflection and integration. On the front end, preparation time was available- a review of the week, or of existing material. Post-session, there existed a buffer between what came up in session and whatever real-world situation required your immediate attention. If something difficult arose or trauma processing occurred, that time and space enabled a somatic come-down before the stressors of the day reared their incessant heads.

Now, when working over a telehealth platform, it is not uncommon to jump from work into session then back into life mode, and vice versa. 

Here are some considerations to create appropriate space and get the most out of your sessions and reclaim the quiet spaces that used to buttress session:

– To prepare for session: Dedicate a space in your home for this time. If possible, make sure not to be backlit, and sit in a comfortable seat. Have a glass of water and blanket within reach. Whenever possible, use this dedicated space for each appointment. 

– Ensure you have a sonically private space where there won’t be intrusive noises and no one is within earshot

– Plan for at least 15 minutes prior to the session to prepare. This might look like making some tea, taking a walk, free-writing, or some form of creative expression 

– During the session: turn off your self-view. If using a platform that enables the removal of your tiny thumbnail mirror, I suggest it. Not only is it distracting, but it potentially feeds the part of you that might be tempted to ensure you’re doing therapy “right.” 

– After the session: instead of closing the computer and heading back into your life of working, emailing, parenting, or erranding— make a conscious choice about what this transitional moment looks like. Can you use another 15-minute pause prior to quotidian demands beckoning?

– Grounding both into session and after the session as a form of aftercare is an integral part of this work. You can enlist your therapist for some specifics here based on what you’re working on

Reflect on what this switch has meant for you— what are you missing from in-person sessions? What is working better for you remotely? The space itself, no matter its iteration, is part of the therapeutic processing—this can be a topic you internally and externally and consciously explore within the therapeutic realm.

Written by: Ash Compton, LMFT-Associate, EMDR-Trained Supervised by Susan Henderson, M.Ed, LMFT-S, LPC-S

The Benefits of Committing to a Long-Term Relationship with a Therapist

Therapy. Sometimes we get the idea to enter therapy when life is going smooth, but we’d like to tend to our self-growth anyway. More often we get the idea to enter therapy when something traumatic has occurred in our lives or we’ve tried everything else we could think of first (aka we’re desperate).

We want something to change, and we want it to change fast because we’re tired of feeling this way.

We may still be hesitant to hand over our time and money to a therapist, but we bargain with ourselves. “I can commit to this for a few months.” And we do. And things may start to feel a little better. The storm settles. We’ve had some time to process. Things might even feel somewhat normal again.

We did what we said we would do. We stuck it out for a few months.

And all the thoughts start swirling in our heads about why it might be a good time to say goodbye:

We’re feeling better.

Money’s a little tight.

It’s not always fun to show up and be vulnerable.

Do we really need this? Or is it an unnecessary luxury? There are so many other responsibilities to manage.

I say this all from firsthand experience. These were the thoughts I bumped into after seeing my therapist for a few months (yes, therapists see therapists too).

Afterall, they’re valid and convincing thoughts.

And yet, I decided to stick with my therapist anyway. Something told me these reasons to leave were emerging as a convenient way to avoid digging deeper.

Now, six months later, I realize I was on the verge of doing some real work with my therapist. Work that has already and will continue to shift my life in some powerful ways. 

It’s not always comfortable, but I’m glad I’ve stayed.

Here are some reasons I’ve come to believe in the value of committing to a long-term relationship with a therapist:

1. Trust and safety take time

In therapy, the relationship is key. The amount of trust and safety you feel with your therapist determines how authentically and vulnerably you’re able to show up. And trust and safety take time. Think about the people you’re truly yourself with. How long have you known them? I once had a mother of a client I see reach out to me concerned. Her son told her he wasn’t being completely honest with me. I had seen him for five sessions. I told her I probably wouldn’t be honest with me either at this point. Trust in a relationship takes time.

2. Deep-seated patterns don’t change overnight

Oftentimes, when we begin therapy, we become aware of patterns that have been part of our lives for years, maybe even decades. And even if they’re not healthy patterns, they’ve become part of how we operate and even part of our identities. There can be a lot of delicate untangling to do. And after we untangle, we have to learn new ways of being and operating. These kinds of shifts understandably take time.

3. Therapy is continuously empowering

Even if you’re not facing something acutely stressful in your life, there is a lot of beneficial work that can be done in therapy. For fifty minutes, you are turning inward, slowing down, practicing being with yourself and your emotions, expanding your capacity for feeling, and taking responsibility for the state of your life. All of this creates a more mindful approach to living that then ripples out and affects the rest of your week. The decisions you make. The behaviors you choose. You begin to have more say in your life. Even if you’re not in crisis, it is always empowering to slow down and become more aware of how you’re feeling, what you’re needing, and what you’re choosing. 

4. Your mental health matters

In a world where self-care usually falls to the bottom of the barrel in comparison to work and responsibilities, carving out an hour each week in which you choose your mental health is a gift you give yourself that fosters a kinder, gentler relationship with yourself where your feelings matter.

5. You learn how to be with your emotions

Everywhere else in our lives, the people who care about us want to offer solutions. When we tell them what we’re going through, they instinctively want to fix it. Quickly. As a result, we are constantly taken away from simply experiencing our emotions. Therapy may be the only place in your life where you can truly be with your experience. Not only is this healing, but it deepens your ability to be with your feelings. When we don’t know how to be with our feelings, we run away and distract ourselves. We blame others. We act out. As we learn how to be with our feelings in therapy, our worlds start to feel safer. We learn how to allow. We take more deep breaths. We react less and thoughtfully respond more. 

6. You learn how to be honest and how liberating it is

To have a place where you can just. be. yourself. Most of the time, we have to consider the feelings of others. We modify or perform in some manner. In therapy, where it just gets to be about you, not the expectations of others, you begin to speak truth in a way you may never have before. As a result, your life starts to feel more honest.

7. Life is constantly offering us opportunities for growth

Short-term therapy is based on the idea that there’s a problem to be fixed. Fix the problem and you’re good to go. But the thing is, that’s not how life works. Life is a continuous process of growth and change. Once we reach the top of one mountain, another appears. Long-term therapy acknowledges this. It acknowledges that to be human, with all of our unique emotions and fears, challenges us in an ongoing manner. It acknowledges that the whole reason we’re here is to keep stepping into growth and to keep doing the work so our lives continue to feel alive and rewarding. Long-term therapy acknowledges that change is constant and so support should be constant too.

Long-term therapy provides a safe and empowering shelter where you continue to grow, heal, and nurture the relationship you have with yourself and life. A therapist is a wonderful resource to support you on your journey. 

Written By: Jamie Alger, LPC-Associate Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S

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