Archive of ‘Counseling for LGBTQ’ category

National Coming Out Day

By: Savannah Stoute, LPC-Intern Supervised by Leslie Larson, LPC-S

By: Savannah Stoute, LPC-Intern
Supervised by Leslie Larson, LPC-S

Did you know that October 11th is a significant day in LGBT history in the United States? According to the Human Rights Campaign, Every year on October 11th, the United States celebrates the LGBT community with National Coming Out Day. If National Coming Out Day is new to you, you might ask yourself, “why October 11th?” It turns out that on October 11, 1987, about half a million people participated in the March on Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights. It was the second demonstration in our nation’s capital that resulted in the founding of a number of LGBT organizations, including the National Latino/a Gay and Lesbian Organization (LLEGO’). The momentum continued for four months after this amazing march as more than 100 lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender activists from around the country gathered in Manassas, Va., about 25 miles outside Washington, D.C. Recognizing that the LGBT community often reacted defensively to anti-gay actions, they came up with the idea of a national day to celebrate coming out and chose the anniversary of that second march on Washington to mark it. The originators of the idea were Rob Eichberg and Jean O’Leary. From this idea the National Coming Out Day was born.

Risks and Benefits

National Coming Out Day may give LGBT individuals the confidence to come out to their loved ones, but it’s important to know that not everyone has a supportive experience. There are risks and benefits of coming out, therefore, it’s important to determine what is right for you when choosing to come out.

Some risks you might encounter include:

  • Homophobia
  • Friends may not be supportive
  • Parents may not be supportive
  • Homelessness
  • You might get asked a lot of uncomfortable questions
  • You might lose friends

Some benefits of coming out:

  • You won’t be afraid of people finding out
  • You will have a chance to live authentically
  • You can receive support from LGBT Organizations
  • You will have the opportunity to make LGBT friends
  • You can be a role model for other LGBT youth
  • You may have improved self esteem

Deciding when to come out

  • Be comfortable with who you are. When deciding to come out to your loved ones, it’s important to become comfortable with yourself before you begin to tell people. If you are confidant in yourself, you will be comfortable with the processing time it takes your loved one. You will feel more comfortable when answer questions and clarifying the process if necessary.
  • Take your time. Don’t feel forced or pressured to come out by others. If you feel like people know and they are just waiting for you to confirm, let them wait. This is your journey and your life. Don’t let someone else’s expectations dictate your coming out experience.
  • Find a safe person. This may be a friend, family member, or a counselor. Sometimes finding someone safe for the first time you say “I’m Gay” out loud makes all the difference for your confidence.
  • Choose a safe moment and place. Deciding to come out to your family at your cousins wedding may not be the best idea. If you decide to come out, pick a day, time, and place where you and the person you are coming out to will have time to process this new information.
  • Be patient. Allow your loved ones time to process this new information. Not everyone will be surprised or shocked, but there will be some people that didn’t see this coming. Give these individuals the time and space to come to terms with this information. Your family and friends might have some difficult questions for you. Help them understand where you are within the process and then allow them the chance to take their time. It might be hard for a dad to hear that his son is gay, then the next day get introduced to your boyfriend. Ask your family members how comfortable they are before you start adding on more information. Coming out as LGBT may be something you have been processing for years, so giving you family and friends’ time to process will be beneficial as well.

The process of coming out to your family and friends can be difficult. You may feel scared and uncertain about how your loved ones will react. Joining a LGBT support group will help you hear how others have dealt with the coming out period. Counseling can also be helpful during this time. If you find a counselor that is knowledgeable and sensitive about coming out as LGBT, you can process what it’s like during this time and have the support that you may be lacking.

NCOD logo designed by Keith Haring

NCOD logo designed by Keith Haring


Reparative Therapy?

Savannah Stoute

The Texas GOP recently adopted a party wide platform that includes support for voluntary psychological therapy targeted at converting homosexuals to heterosexuals. This is happening on the heels of a Judge in San Antonio, TX stating that it is unlawful for the state to rule against same sex marriage. Texas Republicans are simply stating that they will not pass any laws that will restrict a person from seeking reparative or conversion therapy. Rick Perry, Governor of Texas, recently equated homosexuals to alcoholics by comparing the genetic coding an alcoholic has to the genetic coding a homosexual has. The important thing to remember is that homosexuality is not a disease and it cannot be cured. There are many different views a person could take on this subject; Political, Religious, and Ethical. I’m not going to take a political or religious stance. However, I will discuss this topic from an ethical standpoint as a Licensed Professional Counselor Intern (LPC-I) in the state of Texas.

Ethical limitations of Reparative Therapy

First, reparative therapy is not a mainstream psychological treatment. There are no professional standards or guidelines that therapists must follow in order to practice reparative therapy. As with any therapeutic approach, there needs to be peer reviewed research studies. In order for a research study to be valid and reliable, other therapists need to be able to repeat those tests and get the exact same results. There has been one study that suggests that it was able to convert homosexuals to heterosexuals, however, even the psychiatrist that performed this study admitted that there was no way to measure his results. He relied solely on interviews with the patients. Robert Spitzer later wrote, “I believe I owe the gay community an apology for my study making unproven claims of the efficacy of reparative therapy.”

Dangers of Reparative Therapy

If a person is seeking Reparative Therapy, he or she is seeking treatment to “cure” their homosexual feelings and desires. As stated before, homosexuality is not a disease and cannot be cured. When a person seeks reparative therapy and has expectations to never feel attracted to a person of the same sex again, he or she can become severely disappointed with themselves. Feelings of failure, hopelessness, shame, are just a few things that can lead a person to severe depression. Reparative therapy implies there is something wrong with being attracted to the same sex. It’s important to know and accept that a person is born as a homosexual; therefore, there is no way to make a gay person straight. Just like there is no way to make a straight person gay. Learning to accept yourself and/or those around you that are homosexual can lead to a more authentic life.

Alternatives to Reparative Therapy

The only alternative to Reparative Therapy is traditional talk therapy. If a person is struggling with being a homosexual, it’s best that he or she seek counseling from a licensed therapist that practices one of the many available therapeutic approaches that have been proven and are not damaging to clients. Traditional talk therapy can be cathartic for clients. Once a homosexual client learns to accept him or herself, then he or she can begin to feel confident living as a homosexual person. The hope is that a client who was initially interested in reparative therapy will eventually love themselves enough that he or she will no longer feel the need to change.

If you are interested in learning more about the stance that Texas Legislatures are taking on Reparative Therapy, you can find many articles online. Texas Republican’s stance can be found here, while Texas Democrat’s recent stance can be found here. These are both local articles, but you can find varying point of views from national news outlets as well.

 

Guest Blogger:

This week’s guest blog post is by Savannah Stoute, LPC-Intern (Supervised by Leslie Larson, LPC-S). Savannah enjoys working with teens and adults that are experiencing grief and loss as well as the LGBTQ Community. You can learn more about Savannah and her work as a therapist by visiting our Therapists page.


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