As a therapist who frequently works with preteens, teens, and their parents, I often get asked how to engage teens in meaningful conversations about their lives outside of school. Now that the school year is in full swing, many parents find themselves asking the same question: “How was your day at school?” Unfortunately, the typical responses— “It was fine” or “I don’t know”—can leave parents feeling disconnected and frustrated. This repetitive focus on academics can also leave teens feeling annoyed, as it often seems like their parents are only interested in grades and school-related issues when trying to connect.
From my experience, the last thing teens want to discuss after a long day of school is… you guessed it: school! If you’re eager to learn more about your teen’s feelings and experiences, consider starting with statements that connect instead of questions. This approach can create a more inviting atmosphere for conversation without putting pressure on them.
Here are 10 prompts to help you open the door to deeper discussions:
1. “It’s so good to see your face! I really enjoy our time together in the car.”
2. “I saw this funny meme today, and it reminded me of you.”
(Bonus Points: Create your own meme language with your teen for a playful way to gauge their feelings while also being demure.)
3. “You looked like you were enjoying talking to your friends when I picked you up!”
4. “I picked up your favorite snack because I knew you were stressed about your Chem test today.”
5. “You look cute today! Those earrings are the ones you got from the mall last weekend, right?”
6. “I saw on the calendar that you had a math test today. I’d love to hear how it went or anything else about your day.”
7. “I know Mondays can be tough for you. Let’s play some of your favorite music to release some stress!”
(Bonus Points: You and your teen co-create a Spotify playlist to jam to after school.)
8. “I was thinking about something fun we could do together this weekend. I’d love to hear your ideas!”
9. “I love you! I missed you while you were at school today.”
10. “I noticed you put the dishes away before school—thank you for doing that!”
These statements can help shift the focus away from school and grades, allowing your teen to share when they’re ready. By creating a comfortable space for conversation, you’ll encourage them to open up about their day and their feelings. Remember, the goal isn’t to force a discussion about school but to connect with your teen on a personal level. When they feel heard and valued, they’re more likely to share what’s truly going on in their lives.
And for you parents out there: go easy on yourself! Building a strong connection with your teen is a journey. It may take time for them to open up, and that’s completely normal. Many parents experience this frustration, and it’s okay if some days are better than others. Celebrate the small victories, like a grin or a brief chat, because they lay the groundwork for deeper conversations.
If you’re considering therapy for yourself or your teen, check out my bio here to see if I might be a good fit for your family!
