I became a parent a year ago, and I’m still figuring out how my new role as a mom fits into my role as a therapist. What I’ve noticed is that as therapists, we’re in a unique position in which we work with parents all the time to support children through different ages and stages. So even though we may know the language, the science, and the theory behind behavior, when it comes to actually parenting at home, it’s a whole different story. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard, “Parenting doesn’t come with a manual,” but I never really got it until now. Parenting is hard. It’s also beautiful and complicated all rolled into one. That’s why I’m sharing some of the biggest takeaways from my own experience in hopes they might help other new or soon-to-be parents.
More Self-Compassion
Compassion is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself starting on day one ! Parenting is hard enough. You don’t need to make it harder by beating yourself up for every mistake or blaming yourself when things don’t go to plan. Instead, take a deep breath and remind yourself: you’re doing the best you can with what you know. You’ve never been a parent before and it comes with a huge learning curve. You owe it to yourself to be kind and patient as you navigate this emotionally and physically demanding journey.
Unconditional Love
In the first three months, I was exhausted. Not just because of sleep deprivation, but because I was in full survival mode. Every day felt like a year. Babies are learning so much in those early months outside the womb—and so are we, as parents. It’s a lot.But I say this with sincerity: it does get better.
When your baby laughs for the first time or gives you the biggest grin after a day full of tears, everything else melts away. In those moments, you really do feel how much they love you. Despite any mistakes you may have made, they feel safe with you. Soak up those little signs that remind you: you are their whole world right now.
Perfection Is Overrated
One of the biggest takeaways for me has been that my child is always watching and learning from me. At first, I thought that meant I had to be a “perfect” parent. But over time, I’ve started to redefine what that means. I am learning how to be more patient with myself when I make mistakes, praise myself when I get it right, and recognize that every one is on their own parenting journey. It really does not help me when I compare myself to other parents (especially the ones who seem to have it all together). I do my best as a parent when I focus on what I want my child to learn from me, and what’s in my control to give. When I fall into the trap of “not enough” thinking, I gently remind myself: that voice isn’t helping me show up for the baby who needs me right now.
Build a Support Network
Parenting is full of highs and lows. Yes, you are strong and capable, but that doesn’t mean you have to go through it alone. Lean on as many trusted friends and family members as you can. The days won’t all look the same, and, truthfully, some will be harder than others. Having a trusted circle of friends and family can make a huge difference in your ability to care for both your baby and yourself.
Ask for Help (Really, do it !)
If you take one thing from this, let it be this: ask for help. You’ll get better at it over time, I promise. Babies require so much, and you weren’t meant to do it all on your own.
If asking for help feels uncomfortable, I completely resonate with that feeling, but I strongly encourage you to ask anyway.Whether it’s help with meals, laundry, or just someone to hold the baby while you take a nap—these small acts can give you exactly what you need to keep showing up for baby.
Becoming a first-time parent is a roller coaster. It’s exhausting and rewarding, overwhelming and beautiful. Be gentle with yourself. Give yourself so much love and care during this time and surround yourself with people who can give you the same. And remember, you are already exactly the parent your baby needs! You’ve got this!
