Were You in a Cult?

One of the most insidious things about cults is that most cult members don’t believe they are in a cult. We could each of us ask ourselves, “Am I in a cult?” and more than likely we would say “of course not,” regardless of the truth. So how would we even know? 

I grew up on the periphery of a religious Jewish cult from the age of 6 until 21. There was a clear separation between those who were in the cult, and those who were not, most obviously communicated by clothing style and education. The leader of our local chapter of the cult was a kind, stern and charismatic man. He and his family were the only “true” members of the cult in my hometown, and the rest of the community was just on the outside. This leader did not place much emphasis on full recruitment into the cult; the focus was mostly on more subtle ways of involvement, namely attendance, donations, education, and labor. 

My family and I were frequently recruited to become more heavily involved in the group. My family was a staunch supporter of the group and its leader, financially, emotionally and politically, and we helped recruit other families into the fold, or “build community,” as we called it.

It wasn’t until I left home that I truly began to wonder about the group to which I had so devoutly belong. Was I in a cult? Leaving my home, my hometown and my community gave me my first opportunity to look back and decide whether I wanted to be a part of it, as opposed to blindly following my parents’ and the group leader’s expectations. I did not fully understand the effects that group had on my life until much later in life (after I had read Leaving the Fold by Marlene Winell, Ph.D.). 

What is a cult?

Here’s what people typically think a cult is, or rather, you might hear the word “cult” to describe any of the following: 

• A group where the leader(s) might have a high degree of control over followers, usually to the benefit of the leader(s)
• A fanatical political group
• A terrorist organization
• A religious group deemed heretical or socially deviant or unorthodox
• An organization that employs high-pressure sales and/or recruitment tactics
• An extremist organization that advocates violence, racial separation, bigotry, or overthrow of the government
• A familial or dyadic relationship in which one member exerts an unusually high and apparently harmful influence over the other members(s)

These descriptions are so vague and varied as to almost mean any group we don’t like is a cult (and we’re very likely are using this term more liberally than appropriate). However, Michael Langone, PhD, Executive Director of the International Cultic Studies Association (ICSA), suggests one definition can be applied to all these examples: a group or relationship that seems to enforce an exploitative compliance through subterfuge (either deceit or manipulation, or both). Compliance through subterfuge means that cult members often believe they have chosen to be in the group of their own free will, and therefore are unaware of the manipulation tactics employed by the group and/or leader.

You might ask yourself, how can someone be manipulated so significantly that they’re willing to change their whole life and belief systems and not even realize that they’re being manipulated? It’s possible because the tactics used can be very subtle. You may even find yourself familiar with some of these manipulation tactics that are employed, not just in cults. 

• Heavy use of fallacies in arguments
• Group pressure
• Guilt manipulation
• Mind-numbing workloads

Often, these manipulative tactics are used in settings that we don’t associate with cults, like in school, work, and at home. And these tactics get normalized, which grooms us to accept them when they are used against us in more deceitful ways.

Why Do People Join Cults?

There is no common personality trait to people who join cults. Any type of person can be manipulated into joining one. Usually, the success of the recruitment is associated more with the skill of the recruiter than any trait of the victim. However, people often join cults when they are at a particularly vulnerable period in their life, for instance, after a breakup, a school failure, a career change, or any general life transition. Young adults are also susceptible as they are differentiating from their parents and family of origin. 

Why Do People Stay in Cults?

The forces that keep people in cults are varied. There are positive attractions that people enjoy about being in the group, and there are negative experiences of leaving that they may want to avoid. 

Positive aspects of a group that keep people in it include: 

• Genuine friendships
• Sense of purpose and belonging
• Strong sense of superiority to those outside the group
• Ease and comfort of blind obedience (no stress of decisions, uncomfortable feelings or conflicts within the self)

Negative experiences that are avoided out of fear include: 

• Public humiliation for dissenting or doubting
• The group’s teachings may induce fear of failure in or rejection by the outside world
• This includes supernatural punishment like eternity in Hell
• Identity issues (“If I’m not a member of this group anymore, who am I?”)

Why Do People Leave Cults?

Here’s a somewhat positive piece of information: most cult members eventually leave their groups. Some reasons why people leave include: 

• The group requires more sacrifice than they’re willing to give
• They miss their old life or their friends and family
• They’re longing for a sense of freedom
• They begin to have doubts about beliefs or practice
• Predictions of dooms or prophecies that do not come true
• Personality conflicts with other group members
• Boredom
• Exhaustion
• Growing awareness of manipulative techniques

The Spectrum

While it can feel very emboldening to point to something with which we disagree and call it a cult (thereby implying that the groups we belong to are “not cults”), author and cult scholar Daniella Mestyanek Young shares that cults can be viewed on a spectrum. On the liberal side (least “culty”), she uses the example of a knitting group. There are very few requirements for membership in a knitting group, and even fewer consequences of leaving one. On the other end of the spectrum (most “culty”) would be totalitarian groups (e.g. Mao Zedong’s Republic of China)– many membership requirements and very harsh consequences for leaving.

Another spectrum worth considering here is degree of involvement in the group. For example, the person who donates to a cult but is not otherwise contributing to it will have a much different experience of the cult than the person who has rejected their former life and attachments in order to devote themselves to the group. 

As you can see, no two cults are the same, and no two cult members are the same. The journey can be quick and easy, and it can be long and painful. Being targeted, manipulated and victimized is not a personality defect, and finding community within this can open the door to living a full, authentic life. Understanding these dynamics of cults and authoritarian control can protect you from and heal you of manipulation.

Please have a look at this list of resources and media that may be helpful in your journey.