Fostering Lifelong Commitment – Key Questions to Ask Before Marriage

February 08, 2024

As a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) specializing in premarital counseling, I’ve seen firsthand the importance of asking the right questions before making a lifelong commitment. It’s helpful for couples to approach their union with open eyes and honest communication, which is why I frequently suggest the SYMBIS (Save Your Marriage Before it Starts) assessment as a valuable tool for those contemplating premarital counseling.

Premarital counseling is designed to help couples explore important aspects of their relationship and identify potential areas of strength and growth. Through my experience, I have found several essential questions that every couple should ask each other before marriage.

How do you handle conflict?

Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you navigate it that matters. 

What are your spiritual beliefs and values?

Understanding each other’s beliefs and values is essential for building a strong foundation in your marriage. 

How do you envision spending your leisure time?

Discuss your hobbies, interests, and how you plan to balance individual and shared leisure activities. 

What are your family backgrounds and dynamics?

Explore your family backgrounds, including your upbringing, family traditions, culture, and any potential family dynamics that may impact your relationship. 

What are your financial goals and priorities?

Money can be a significant source of stress in marriage, so it’s essential to be on the same page financially. 

How do you prioritize self-care and personal growth?

Discuss your individual needs for self-care, personal growth, and how you plan to support each other’s emotional well-being.

What are your expectations for intimacy and affection?

Intimacy is an important aspect of any romantic relationship, so be sure to discuss your expectations, desires, and boundaries around physical affection, emotional intimacy, and sexual intimacy.

How do you envision your roles as partners in a committed relationship?

Talk about your expectations for each other’s roles and responsibilities in the relationship, including household chores, decision-making, and supporting each other’s personal and professional goals.

How do you plan to prioritize and nurture your relationship?

Marriage requires ongoing effort and commitment, so discuss how you plan to prioritize and nurture your relationship amidst life’s challenges and responsibilities.

These questions are just a starting point for couples considering premarital counseling, but they can pave the way for deeper conversations and a stronger foundation for your marriage. Remember, investing in your relationship before saying “I do” can help set you up for a lifetime of love, growth, and happiness together.

If you feel you may need some assistance when it comes to marriage and/or relationships, please consider reaching out to us [email protected].

janet mize counseling therapist
Written By: Janet Mize, LMFT, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Hiring & Onboarding Manager


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