Take a moment to reflect on the challenges you and your child faced with school last year. Maybe mornings or bedtimes felt rushed, homework dragged on, or friendships got tricky. Whatever it was, you’re not alone, and the good news is, there are tools that can help. You can reference the links to these tools to get more detailed information on how to use the tools for your family. Below are a few common scenarios I’ve worked through with parents, along with practical strategies you can try to make back to school run more smoothly at home.
Scenario:
You’ve reminded Candice for the millionth time to pick up after herself. You’re tired of sounding like a broken record.
Try: Family Meetings
Family meetings are a great way to get everyone involved in solving recurring problems. Focus on one issue at a time, and write down other topics in a shared spot at home to revisit later. This keeps the meeting manageable and reduces the urge to respond to everything at once. Remember: Responding with urgency often leads to more frustration and disconnection. Most things can wait until the next family meeting.
Scenario:
Cameron comes to you about a conflict with a friend. You note to yourself that it is rare for them to open up, and you’re torn between just listening and offering guidance (which they usually call a “life lesson”).
Try: Reflective Listening
When teens share friendship struggles, frustrations with teachers, or day-to-day annoyances, what they often want most is for someone to listen. Instead of jumping straight to solutions or problem solving, do your best to reflect back what you hear.
It could go something like this- “I hear you’re feeling frustrated that no one has asked you to study with them. That must feel really isolating.” This shows you’re attuned to their feelings and helps them feel heard. Advice can always come later.
Scenario:
After dinner, Megan says she’ll play “one more game” before starting homework. You remind her that she already had screen time earlier, and before you know it you’re in a heated back-and-forth about how “unfair” you’re being.
Try: Don’t Take the Bait
Power struggles are easy to fall into, especially when your child has big feelings about rules being enforced. The key is not to react to your child’s tone, volume, or back talk. Those are merely distractions. Kindly and firmly state to Megan the agreed upon rule about homework after dinner. By staying focused on the actual goal, you avoid getting stuck into a battle over control.
Scenario:
Mira asks you to go to the school dance for the third time that week , but you’ve noticed her grades slipping. When you quickly say “no,” she fires back with, “You never let me have any fun!”
Try: Asking Curiosity Questions + Problem Solving
It can be tough trying to always balance fun and responsibility. Instead of shutting her down, step into her perspective with curiosity. Try questions like:
- “I know you really want to go to the dance. Can we first talk about school and see what’s missing?”
- “Will you walk me through your assignments so we can figure out how to make both school and fun possible?”
This invites collaboration rather than conflict and also develops a plan of action for managing schoolwork. Now you and Mira are working together to solve the issue of going to the dance rather than it being parents’ vs Mira.
Scenario:
Fran forgot to take out the trash…again. In frustration, you threaten to take her phone away. She responds, “You never notice the other things I do around here!”
Try: Encourage
Everyone needs encouragement, especially teens, who often feel their efforts go unnoticed. A simple shift toward recognizing positives can change the tone in the household and may even encourage them to want to help out more. Try phrases like:
- “Thanks for picking up your socks the first time I asked.”
- “I really appreciated your help in the kitchen this morning.”
Noticing small wins reinforces positive behavior and strengthens the connection between you and your kiddo!
We can all admit that back to school transitions are hard on every member of the family, but they’re also an opportunity to build stronger connections at home. Whether through family meetings, reflective listening, or curiosity questions, these tools are not just about solving problems, but rather creating a more supportive, cooperative family environment. And the best part is, you and your family can try these tools at any point in the year! A new school year can be the perfect time to set new goals and figure out what works and what doesn’t.
