As both a parent and a therapist, I know how hard it can be to stay calm when screen time turns into a battle. Many parents I work with, myself included, have found ourselves saying things we wish we hadn’t. It’s usually not really about the device. It’s about feeling ignored, overwhelmed, or disconnected from your child.
When you find yourself yelling, it’s often a sign that your nervous system has gone into overdrive. In Dr. Dan Siegel’s words, you’ve “flipped your lid.” The thinking and regulating part of your brain has temporarily gone offline, and the more reactive, emotional part has taken over (Siegel & Hartzell, 2003)
The first step is to notice when that flip happens. Try to pause, take a slow breath, or even step away for a moment. You’re not giving in; you’re giving yourself a chance to calm your body so you can reconnect with your child from a steadier place. Later, you can repair by saying, “I was really frustrated and yelled. I’m sorry. I want to try that differently next time.” Repair builds trust more than getting it right every time.
It’s also worth noticing what’s actually underneath the yelling. Maybe you’re worried your child is missing out on real-world experiences, or you feel unseen when they ignore your voice. Naming those deeper emotions helps you respond with awareness rather than reactivity.
Get curious about what screens mean to your child. Ask what they enjoy about a game or what makes it hard to turn off. These questions don’t excuse behavior; they create connection and understanding.
When things are calm, make agreements together. Something like, “Let’s figure out a screen-time routine that works for both of us.” Kids are much more likely to cooperate when they feel included in the decision.
Finally, remember that yelling doesn’t make you a bad parent. It means you care deeply and were overwhelmed in the moment. The more you practice noticing when you’re about to “flip your lid” and finding ways to calm yourself, the more you teach your child how to do the same.
Parenting isn’t about never losing your temper. It’s about recognizing when it happens, repairing, and coming back to connection. Each moment of awareness is a step toward a calmer, more compassionate relationship for both you and your child.
References
Siegel, D. J., & Hartzell, M. (2003). Parenting from the inside out: How a deeper self-understanding can help you raise children who thrive. New York, NY: Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam.
