Understanding Grief, Making Space for Healing
Experiencing an early pregnancy loss can bring a kind of grief that’s hard to explain and often even harder for others to see. This grief is sometimes referred to as ambiguous loss a mourning that doesn’t come with rituals, timelines, or public acknowledgment, and yet is deeply real. You may feel a strong, almost indescribable connection to the life you were carrying. That connection is valid. And so is your grief.
Even when a pregnancy ends early, your emotional response can be profound. According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), experiencing a miscarriage can increase the risk of mental health challenges, including symptoms of depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress. This isn’t “just sadness” it’s real, complex pain that deserves recognition, care, and space to be felt.
The Isolation of Early Loss
One of the hardest things about early pregnancy loss is how invisible it can feel. Maybe you hadn’t told many people—or anyone. Maybe those around you minimize what happened with comments they think are helpful:
- “At least it was early.”
- “You can try again.”
- “It wasn’t really a baby yet.”
But words like these often make the pain more isolating. What many grieving individuals truly need is simple, heartfelt acknowledgment:
- “I’m so sorry for your loss.”
- “You have every right to feel however you feel.”
- “I’m here for you.”
Your loss matters, whether others saw it or not.
Grieving What’s Hard to Name
Ambiguous loss can leave you feeling stuck between emotions—heartbroken, but unsure if you’re “allowed” to be. But grief doesn’t need permission. It doesn’t follow a calendar or a certain number of weeks. Grief follows love—and love can start from the moment you imagine a future. Your dreams, however brief, were real. So is your pain.
Honoring Your Grief: Gentle Ways to Begin Healing
1. Name your loss
Allow yourself to feel what’s there. You don’t have to explain or justify it. Journaling, talking with someone you trust, or sitting quietly with your feelings can help you start making sense of them.
2. Create a personal ritual
Lighting a candle, writing a letter, planting something in honor of your loss—small acts like these can hold a lot of meaning.
3. Connect with others who understand
There are spaces—both in person and online—where people come together around shared experience. Knowing you’re not alone can soften the edges of pain.
4. Be patient with yourself
Grief doesn’t move in straight lines. Some days may feel tender, others heavy or numb. All of it is part of the process.
You Are Not Alone
If you’re feeling overwhelmed by the weight of this loss, please know your emotions are not too much. They are an expression of something meaningful—something you hoped for, dreamed of, maybe even started to love. You don’t have to carry this alone. Support is available, and healing is possible, even if it doesn’t look how, you expected it to.
Whenever you’re ready, you can return to this resource. Take what’s helpful. Leave what’s not. Let it meet you where you are.
Valentina Davalos, LPC-Associate
