When your relationship started, you spent more time together. You had conversations that felt exciting. You were learning about each other. You dreamed together about the life you would build. Then, life got busier and more complicated. Stressors changed. Maybe you had children or maybe your jobs became more demanding… Maybe both! And, not by intentional choice, you now find that your relationship feels like it is on the back-burner. If you are missing your partner (even while they are right next to you) or if you are looking for a new way to change up conversation, this is for you! Check out the conversation starters below to find ways to intentionally reconnect and recharge.
Ten conversation starters that build connection and emotional intimacy in your relationship:
- Tell me about a time this week when you felt supported by me.
- I feel most loved by you when…
- What is your favorite memory of us?
- Tell me two things I can do to better support you.
- What do you wish you could go back and tell yourself five years ago?
- What are three qualities you admire about me?
- What do you remember about the day we met or our first date?
- What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
- What are your current goals and how can I support you to achieve them?
- What is one thing you hope never changes about our relationship?
How to do it
Ask your partner if they would be willing to try something new with you. Own that these questions might feel awkward, especially if it’s been a while since you connected in this way. You’ll get into your groove and feeling vulnerable together will make you feel closer while building trust.
Set aside time for each other. You will want time and privacy for this activity. Put your screens away. Find a quiet space. Start with 20 minutes so it doesn’t feel like too much of a commitment to get going. You can always keep talking if it’s flowing!
Take turns. After you have answered a question, ask your partner the same question to hear their response.
Make it your own. Go in any order. Skip any questions that you want. Ask follow-up questions to go deeper. Be curious. The only goal is to connect meaningfully with your partner.
Thank your partner. At the end, show appreciation for your partner going there with you. Tell them how it made you feel to connect and share.
Want more questions and conversation starters like these? Here are my two favorite resources:
Gottman Card Decks (free!)