Children and Chores – Let Them Help! 

“Never do for a child what he can do for himself.” – Rudolph Dreikurs 

With the start of a new school year, it’s a great time for our family to review the tasks that need to be completed to get us through the school week- laundry, lunches, carpooling, etc. It’s easy for me to take the majority of the work on as the mom, AND I’m also the one who will most likely feel resentful, frustrated and exhausted when I am doing “everything around here!!”.

Also, when kids have the opportunity to take on new responsibilities, they build a sense of capability.  Children who feel capable are more likely to embrace challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, rather than seeing them as threats to their self-worth. A sense of capability is linked to positive traits like self-reliance, self-control, and the ability to persevere through difficulties. 

You can do this with children of all ages, and it’s never too early or too late, even if you have young adult children living at home.  I create buy-in by having a fun dessert, like an ice cream sundae bar, and we sit down together to talk about our routines. (See THIS BLOG I wrote many years ago about Routine Charts for more on school routines.)  Together we determine what new tasks my kids can take on, and what they might need training or “help” to do.  Each child is different, so be sure to take into account learning differences. 

Take a look at this handy list of tasks and chores based on developmental age and stage.  Again, keep in mind your individual kiddos!  What new things could they take on with your help this year?  Remember to go through the steps and expect that training will be part of the process – it takes time to learn a new skill, so start early to build confidence, and break it down small to help build success.  

As children grow, so do their capabilities to help themselves and others. Some of the skills listed here are for self care, others are ways children can contribute.

Age 2 ½ -3

• Pick up toys
• Pouring their own milk (from a small pitcher with a handle)
• Choose own clothes
• Wipe up own accidents
• Help put away groceries (lower shelves)
• Run hand held vacuum over crumbs
• Stack books
• Sort silverware into drawer
• Brush hair

Age 4 – 5 (the above and…)

• Make bed, pick up room
• Serving themselves at the dinner table
• Pay for small purchases
• Help with grocery shopping
• Prepare simple breakfast
• Learn to set and clear table
• Take out garbage
• Hold electric mixer
• Add ingredients to simple recipe
• Cut vegetables with supervision
• Get mail
• Help do yard work
• Feeding pets
• Sweep floor
• Bring in firewood
• Answer phone
• Separate white and colored laundry
• Empty waste baskets
• Help clean car (inside, outside)
• Brush hair/fix hair for school
• Get dressed for school

Age 6 – 7 (the above and…)

• Choose own clothing according to weather /event
• Water Plants
• Pull weeds
• Set table properly
• Take pet for a walk
• Care for own bike
• Get self up in morning
• Be in charge of lunch money
• Help change beds
• Unload/load dishwasher
• Vacuum

Age 8-9 (the above and…)

• Prepare own school lunch
• Do own homework with minimal supervision
• Keep track of own money
• Helping cook family meals
• Scrub bathtub
• Clean up after animals
• Rake yard
• Operate washer and dryer
• Use grocery list
• Serve guests
• Do neighborhood chores

Age 10-12 (the above and…)

• Do their own laundry
• Be involved in vacation planning
• Cook meals for the family
• Yard work.
• Mow grass
• Pack own bag to stay over with friend
• Stay alone at home for short periods
• Community projects

Teens (the above and…)

• Purchasing own clothes (with a budgeted “clothing allowance”).
• Still keeping track of own money, some of it earned by outside work
• Arranging some of own transportation
• Learning to balance and use own checking account
• Car maintenance
• Heavier yard work

Additional Resources:

Let Them Help – Sproutable Video  

Positive Discipline Parenting Toolcards

Here are a few pictures of my kids helping around our house when they were little!”