Many of us have a to-do list. Things we need to get done, people to take care of, work to finish, and responsibilities we can’t ignore. Even when we cross a few things off, something else gets added.
And when we finally have some free time, we often find something else we should be doing.
Have you ever stopped to think about how many things on your to-do list are things you actually want to do, and how many are things you feel you should do?
I have many clients who tell me they find it hard to rest. Even when they have time to themselves, they feel guilty sitting on the couch when there’s laundry to fold or work to catch up on. It feels like we need to earn our rest by getting everything else done first. But when is everything ever really done?
We spend so much time making to-do lists, but how often do we make a want-to-do list?
It’s almost as if there’s a voice in our heads constantly telling us what we should be doing. Work harder. Do more. Take care of others. Be productive.
But where does that voice come from? It may come from our family, our culture, or society’s expectations. Sometimes, we have followed these rules for so long that we don’t even know where they began. They become automatic, and we rarely stop to question them.
You can love your family, appreciate your life, and still feel tired. You can be grateful for what you have and still want something to change.
So here’s a little exercise you might try. Take a piece of paper and make two lists:
My should list: What I feel I should do.
My want list: What I actually want to do.
Your want list doesn’t have to include big dreams or life-changing plans. Maybe you want to see a friend, take a walk, read a book, revisit an old hobby, or simply have an afternoon when nobody needs anything from you.
Then look at both lists and ask yourself: How much time and energy do I spend on my should list compared with my want list? Do I feel guilty making time for myself?
And here’s another question worth asking: Are there things on my should list I can cross off, so I can make more room for my want list?
Some responsibilities are important, but others may be habits, expectations, or old rules that no longer serve us. We may be carrying them out of guilt or simply because we have always done them.
We don’t have to automatically follow every should that crosses our minds. Sometimes, it’s worth pausing to ask: Is this something I truly need to do, or is it something I’ve just always believed I should do?
If you struggle to come up with anything for your want list, that’s okay, too. Maybe you’re just not used to asking yourself what you want.
We all have responsibilities, and life isn’t always about doing what we feel like doing. But we don’t have to put ourselves last all the time, either.
Maybe you can start with one small thing you’ve been wanting to do, without feeling guilty about it. Or perhaps you can let yourself rest without first making sure everything is done.
There will always be something that needs to get done, someone who needs our help, or something else we feel we should be doing.
But alongside our to-do list, maybe we can make room for a want list, too. Sometimes, making room for what we want begins with letting go of what we no longer need to do.
So the next time you look at your to-do list, ask yourself: What about my want list?