Archive of ‘Love’ category

Pregnant During a Pandemic

My dear friend, a Mom of an adorably-perfect-two-year-old, recently asked: “What is it like to be pregnant during a pandemic?” My friend is contemplating jumping back into the world of pregnancy tests, OB/midwife visits, ultrasounds, belly kicks, weird pregnancy symptoms, and of course, newborn life. My actual first words to her question were “NO. Don’t do it!”. But, as a therapist, and Mom of two little children (a two year old and a three year old), I figured I should stop and actually contemplate her question. Here is what I have come up with… 

What is pregnancy during a pandemic like?

To start: wanting to be pregnant and then becoming pregnant is a freaking MIRACLE. My husband and I were lucky enough to have access to fertility resources and physicians for babies #1 and #3. We are blessed beyond measure to have healthy bodies and access to healthcare to make our dreams of a family of five possible. 

With that being said, here is where I begin my rant on PREGNANCY DURING A PANDEMIC! It’s hard. It’s no joke. It’s weird. It’s isolating. My husband and I found out we were pregnant on March 18th, 2020, the same week our Mayor issued a city-wide Stay at Home Order. Every step of this pregnancy has been under the umbrella of COVID-19 and the scary unknowns that come with that. 

Moms are superheroes!

I think whether you’re a first time Mom or a second, third, fourth…time Mom, it’s hard. However, it’s my opinion that first time Moms have it the hardest out of all of us. The first time I was pregnant was the scariest pregnancy of all of mine (so far). You question every weird pregnancy symptom and constantly worry about the health of yourself and the health of your baby. Plus, now with the pandemic, the fun things that you were joyously looking forward to have been stripped away: no ultrasound visits with your partner or family, no baby showers, and not a lot of opportunities to show off your miraculous baby belly… 

Yet, then again, second, third, fourth.. time Moms know exactly what a pregnancy “could” or “should” look like and how, like me, our plans for self care and survival (child care for our older children, prenatal massages, Mom night outs, working out at the gym…) may have been washed away completely. 

But, the good news is that we are MOTHERS. And nobody knows better than us that we can shift and move on. During a time that is very inflexible, we know how to be flexible. Mothers, after all, are superheroes. But, now more than ever, pregnant women must ask for what they need, take time for themselves, and nourish their bodies with self love and self care. 

A few tips for surviving pregnancy during a pandemic: 

  • Facetime your partner, family members, or best friend during every OB or ultrasound visit. Include them. Your tribe wants to support you and this will lessen the feelings of isolation. 
  • Move your body and I don’t mean chase around your older children. Exercise however and whenever you can. If it’s not 102 degrees outside, like it is in Austin, go on a walk. Do an at-home workout or zoom class. Your body deserves to be taken care of, now and always. 
  • Find COMFORTABLE maternity clothes. Beg, borrow, or steal, I mean, buy whatever will make your body feel a smidge more comfortable as it grows bigger (and stronger) every single day. I can’t say enough good things about these leggings
  • Find a friend that is also pregnant. A preggo buddy will offer support and validation as you grapple with the ups and downs of creating life… and bonus: you can support one another during the newborn stage too! 

So, what is my final answer? I told my friend to DO IT. Life (quite literally) must go on. Again, mothers are superheroes… And, whether it is your first or fifth time with pregnancy, put your mind and your body first, and everything else will fall into place. 

Stay tuned for my thoughts on how to stay sane (and contribute safely) during a Civil Rights Movement and an American Presidential Election. 

Written by: Sumati Morris, LPC


What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Think about a someone in your life (past or present) that you have/had romantic feelings for.  What did that person do for you that made you feel particularly special?  For some people, their partner bought them “just because” flowers…for others, it’s a long embrace after not seeing one another all day.  Everyone will likely have a different answer to this–which is the beauty of relationships and the diversity of what people want…and need.  People, in all relationships, show love through their love language.  A love language depicts how you want to be shown that you’re valued and appreciated; in so many words, a love language is how you want to be loved.  


By: Julie Burke, LPC-Intern
Supervised by Susan Gonzales, LPC-S, LMFT

There are 5 Different Love Languages

Words of Affirmation

This language uses words to affirm other people

  • How to speak this love language: Encourage, affirm, appreciate, listen activity, send an unexpected note or card
  • Things to avoid: Non-constructive criticism, not recognizing or appreciating effort
Quality Time

This requires giving someone undivided attention

  • How to speak this love language: Uninterrupted and focused conversations, meaningful one-on-one interactions, create special moments together, go on a weekend getaway together
  • Things to avoid: Distractions when spending time together (eg: cell phones, televisions, etc.), long stints without one-on-one time
Receiving Gifts

For some people, what makes them feel most loved is to receive a gift.

  • How to speak this love language: Speak purposefully and thoughtfully, express gratitude when receiving a gift, give a meaningful gift, remember that small gestures matter
  • Things to avoid: Forget special occasions  
Acts of Service 

For people who’s love language is acts of service–think of the phrase “actions speak louder than words”.  

  • How to speak this love language: Show your partner that you’re with them and partnered with them–use phrases such as “I’ll help…” or “Let’s do this together…”, make them breakfast in bed and help with various chores
  • Things to avoid: Lack follow-through on tasks (both big & small), making requests of others a higher priority  
Physical Touch

To this person, nothing speaks more deeply than appropriate touch

  • How to speak this love language: use body language and tough to emphasize love, hug, hold hands, kiss, making intimacy a thoughtful priority
  • Things to avoid: Physical neglect, long stints without intimacy, receiving affection coldly  


It is important to know what you and your partner’s love languages are (they may be different, by the way) because it allows you to communicate to your partner that you care about them and are speaking to their needs.  Because the way we want to be loved seems most familiar and makes most sense to us, people most often try to give love using their love language–which is not always what is needed.  The following example will make all of this make more sense.  

I know of a couple–it is a husband and wife.  The wife’s love language is receiving gifts.  This does NOT mean that in order for her to feel loved or special, that her husband is required to purchase her gifts all the time, by the way.  Rather, if her husband happens to surprise her with a gift–whether it’s a book she’s been wanting or a massage–it’s going to be meaningful to her and she will feel special and loved that her husband thought of her and gave her something.  Her husband’s love language, on the other hand, is words of affirmation.  Recently, the wife purchased her husband a sports jersey for his favorite football team.  Because that is her love language, she was under the assumption that that gift would be a great gesture to say “I love you”.  While the husband appreciated the gift, it just felt like any other day…just with the addition of a new clothing item because she was trying to show love by loving her husband with her love language.  She ultimately realized that in order for him to feel special and loved, her husband needed to hear something affirming eg: “You are a really great partner and parent and I appreciate you”.  From her perspective, she assumed he should be aware of those things already–so it did not feel necessary to share those things with him.  That’s simply because that’s not how she needs to be loved, though.

I already mentioned this, but it seems necessary to do this again.  If you’re with someone and their love language is “receiving gifts” for example–it does NOT mean that you will have to purchase them gifts all the time to show them affection; it’s the same with quality time–if your love language is quality time–it doesn’t mean that absolutely every interaction you have with your significant other is mandated to be undivided attention towards one another.  After all, people who have quality time as their love language also really appreciate receiving gifts and physical touch, too (and vice versa).  

It’s really quite simple.  If you are aware of what your partner’s love language is, it will allow you to be more attuned to them and you’ll be able to show them in a way that’s meaningful to them that you love and care about them.  In the above example with the husband and wife, keep in mind that the wife just assumed her husband knew that he was a great partner and parent.  It may feel insignificant to you, but keep in mind, this is not about you.  This is entirely about your partner and what they need to feel significance and belonging from you.  

While my focus has been on romantic partners, it’s important to note that this speaks volumes for all genuine, interpersonal relationships people have.  Love languages can be applied to your friends, family, and colleagues, too.  Check out the love languages quiz here and see what your love language is.  Be mindful of the fact that your love language can (and does) change–so it’s a great idea to revisit the quiz from time to time!  

Love can be expressed and received in all five languages.  However, if you don’t speak a person’s primary love language that person will not feel loved, even though you may be speaking the other four.  Once you are speaking his or her primary love language fluently, then you can sprinkle in the other four and they will be like icing on the cake.  – Gary Chapman


When is it Time to End a Toxic Relationship?

We all like to think that “love conquers all” and when things go wrong in a relationship, we must continue to work at it and stick with it. Although this can be true, there comes a point when putting work into a relationship becomes detrimental. This is when a relationship can become toxic. This is when one begins to live in a state of sadness, anxiety, tears, suspicion, distrust, and other difficult feelings and emotions.

So, the questions stands: when it is time to end a toxic relationship?

By: Angelica Beker, LPC-Intern Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S

By: Angelica Beker, LPC-Intern
Supervised by Lora Ferguson, LPC-S

All too often, people stay in relationships that are unhealthy and toxic for them. These relationships can become what most call ‘toxic’. Toxic relationships can involve one person doing everything in their power to stay with the other person and do whatever it takes to make things work, which can be very draining. This may include forgiving their significant other over and over for the same mistakes (i.e., infidelity), being treated in a lesser way than they deserve and are worth, living in a state of anxiety and sadness due to their partner being inconsistent and untrustworthy.

What some don’t realize is that toxic relationships can affect you not only emotionally, but also mentally and physically.

In terms of physical effects, those in toxic relationships can cry more often and feel a higher level of stress. As such, the body begins to activate more cortisol (also known as our stress hormone), leading to elevated levels of stress. Higher levels of stress can cause individuals to cope in negative ways such as drinking more, eating more unhealthy foods, engaging in risky behavior, withdrawing from people, and feeling a constant state of sadness and lowness. It can also affect the immune system, the digestive system, and one’s heart rate – all dangerous for the human body in high levels. Mentally, toxic relationships can have a very negative effect. It can lead to severe levels of depression, anxiety, and overall mental instability. It can also cause lower self-esteem and self-confidence, which can negatively affect an individual’s psyche. One can begin doubting themselves, blaming themselves, and having other damaging, negative thoughts.

Counseling, whether it is couples, marital, or individual, can be a helpful tool to people in this situation. This can provide a safe space for one to express their concerns or allow two people to be heard when they are usually not heard. However, if a relationship feels as though one person lacks empathy, cannot and will not listen to the other when they would like to express their feelings and thoughts, or if one individual is holding back another, it may be time to end this toxic relationship. Ending a relationship is never easy. It can be a difficult transition and adjustment, but in the long-run this can greatly benefit the individual struggling the most in the relationship.

Always remember: it is important to listen to your inner voice and take care of yourself!

end toxic relationship


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